To: @billyweird
From: @sense8lotuses
Happy holidays, billyweird!
The harsh buzz of electronic static from beside Junpei’s head lead him to leap up with a start. Fortunate that no one had been around to see his outburst, he still did his best to play it cool, only offering the offender, the walkie-talkie he’d left on his desk, a simple “Huh.” The device would think again before trying anything shifty against Junpei.
It took him a few seconds to realize what the sound of the static meant. Someone was trying to communicate with him, damn it, and he was absolutely certain he’d left it on the right channel. Time was running out. After fiddling with the dial for several seconds, he tapped the device angrily on the wooden surface of the desk, and finally, a gruff voice began to hash its way through the interference.
“Agent…” someone tried to say.
“Repeat last message,” Junpei barked. He tapped the dial pensively, as though a ginger touch might have any effect on the internal circuitry, then held it up tightly to his face. “Rep-”
“Agent Handy!” The shout startled Junpei again, and the poor walkie-talkie tumbled back to the desk. “This is Agent Mountain reporting in. Got a visual on the subject!”
“Damn it, man, which subject?” Junpei returned, his patience wearing thin. God only knew how many active case files the two were collaborating on at the time.
“Subject No Man.” Agent Mountain’s words sent a shiver up Junpei’s spine. Subject No Man was one of the duo’s most elusive and least understood missions, and it was safe to say that she was not common… Alas, this was no time for cold feet. The ziptie of opportunity would be cinching shut within the hour, and he had to reach Agent Mountain’s position.
He held down the transmission button then, making sure his dramatic, plot-relevant sigh could be heard. “Very well. Follow carefully and keep an eye on your coordinates.” Throwing on a tactical cerulean vest and shades, Junpei was on the move.
“Oh shiiit, dude,” the walkie-talkie hummed as Junpei jogged out onto the sidewalk.
“Excuse me?” Junpei questioned.
“Sorry. Uh, oh shiiit, Agent Handy, dude,” Agent Mountain replied.
“Come on Seven, you can’t call me dude. It breaks the immersion,” Junpei groaned.
“Bro, we agreed on codenames…” Admittedly, Seven did sound a little disappointed. Um, Agent Mountain sounded a little disappointed, is what Junpei meant to think.
In any case, it would not be long before the two were reunited and would be better equipped for the situation ahead of them. “Whatever. Tell me, what’s No Man up to?”
Agent Mountain cleared his throat quite performatively. “Subject is approaching the nearest Point Arabica.”
Junpei’s face twisted in confusion. “I’ve lost your coordinates, Agent. What’s your nearest Point Arabica?”
If his cohort wanted to admonish his shortcomings, he didn’t give any sign over the walkie-talkie other than a few seconds of silence. “Sunquid Co. The one on the vertex.”
“Copy that,” Junpei said. “Be there in digital root 228.”
“Agent Handy, we may not have that long,” Agent Mountain replied. “Just sighted Subject Crash Key, and the Point does NOT look busy. Are you packing?”
Junpei had to suppress a scoff. The knowledge of the second subject’s arrival had been a bit jarring, but if Agent Mountain knew anything about his partner, it was that he was always packing. “Looks like Crash Key is about to get a taste of her own medicine.”
“That… didn’t answer my question…”
Junpei facepalmed, only removing his hand after nearly running into a tree. “Listen, Mountain, try to keep up. We knew there was a chance that Crash Key might be spotted. I never leave the house on a mission without heat. Or… whatever this is.”
“Just… cool it with the lingo…” Agent Mountain sighed. “You need to think these things through before saying them.”
“Seven! Can I just! Have a little fun here!” Junpei was answered by the sound of static, presumably Agent Mountain pressing the transmission button without speaking. “THANK you.”
In only two short minutes, Junpei could see Seven seated on a park bench, on the side of the street opposite the Point Arabica. He let himself slow into a casual jog, hoping he could regain his breath before having to speak again. And as the beautiful lady in the green circle popped into view, Junpei realized – indeed, the two subjects were within the building. Crash Key and No Man were right within his reach… and it was time to accomplish this mission.
“Good to see you, Handy,” Mountain said, without looking up. At least, Junpei didn’t think he was looking up. Mountain was wearing shades of his own, helping to keep him from standing out too much. In all honesty, the shades completely countered the pale orange jumpsuit’s unusual appearance. Junpei was quite sure that all of the passersby that were giving odd looks were doing so because they’d just watched him running, definitely not the pair’s fashion choices.
“Mountain,” Junpei greeted in return. “So, fill me in.” He obviously knew it would have been dumb for Mountain to be more specific over transmission than he was – there was no need to risk compromising their position.
“No Man was here three minutes and 28 seconds before Crash Key showed up. No Man’s order was quick, like the coffee was just a formality. Christ, just look at her. She doesn’t even like it.” As the subject took a sip of her drink, her face remained completely neutral, at least from what Junpei could tell. In all his years knowing her, he could agree with Mountain’s analysis. “As for Crash Key, well, she’s ordering now. If the way she shuffled her hair upon entering the Point is anything to go by, you know she’s down for a chai tea frappuccino.”
“In this weather? It’s December,” Junpei said.
Seven slapped his hands on his knees. “Who’s been an agent longer here?”
“Sev, we both agreed to this back-”
“You’re right, me. Thank you.” He cleared his throat three times more before continuing. “She’s getting the chai tea frappuccino, but…”
Junpei sighed. “But the problem she’s having is, does she just get a venti? I mean, she usually goes for the venti. You can see it in her eyes. But today she’s just not sure if the venti is enough. Does she want a grande? Good God, could she even finish a grande?” He let himself slip into a seated position beside the other agent and grabbed at the binoculars around his neck.
“Dude, wha-”
“Hmmm…” As Junpei peered into the window, which he could have definitely seen without them, Crash Key sat at the small table where No Man was already seated. “Oh shit, she went grande. Looks like someone’s thirsty.” A clock to the head startled him as Agent Mountain tugged the binoculars away.
“Keep it cool, Handy. Don’t make me get you a damned frappuccino. You won’t like where I put it.”
The two watched their subjects quietly for a minute or two, until… the two subjects leaned forward, closing their eyes. “Are you seeing this?” Junpei asked.
“My God…” Seven’s attention had been grabbed, and without thought, he raised the binoculars to his own eyes. “Caught in flagrante delicto…”
No Man and Crash Key shared a sweet, romantic kiss for a few seconds… until Crash Key opened her eyes. And, as though Junpei and Seven were in a timeline that God had abandoned, Crash Key’s eyes were pointed right at them.
The world around them seemed to slow down as they were trapped, lost in Crash Key’s eyes. The eyes swirled like a vortex, piloted by years of rage the likes of which the two men had never before experienced. The experience only got worse as her finger slowly rose to point them out, her mouth slowly twisted to form words, and finally, worst of all… her girlfriend slowly turned around.
And when No Man was pissed, all hell was to break loose.
“Phi looks PISSED!” Seven said. “And if she doesn’t kill us, who knows what Akane’ll do.”
“What do we do?” Junpei asked. As prepared as he thought he’d been for this situation, he lacked the years of practice that had made Mountain such a skilled agent.
As the two subjects stood up, clutching their drinks with the ferocity of nine hundred suns, Agent Mountain laid down his master plan. “You’re packing! You hide somewhere and fire! I’ll run away.” And with that, he was gone.
“Unbelievable…” Junpei had to take a moment to keep his own anger at bay. Doing as the traitorous agent suggested, for some god damned reason, he leapt behind a nearby bush, hoping that by some miracle the subjects hadn’t seen him.
“JUNPEI!” Well, at least he could lay that dream to rest. As four angry feet pounded towards him, he decided it best to release all worldly angers. Agent Mountain could be forgiven… perhaps the man had run away intending to distract the two subjects… Yes, now Junpei could live with that.
And so, as the two ran up to the bush, Junpei steeled himself. “Time for justice.” Whipping out his weapon of choice, he blasted the two with a frankly absurd stream of water.
“…” Phi and Akane were silent for a few moments, filling Junpei with dread. When would the explosion come? When would the short-haired woman literally cleave his head from his body with a sword?
His question would never be answered. Akane heaved a sigh, placing a hand on Phi’s shoulder as though to stop her. “This is why we’re not dating, you doofus.”
“Hey, I thought it was because we had too much emotional trauma between us, or something,” Junpei said.
“Well, this didn’t help,” Akane said.
“Listen, you locked me on a ship and almost got me killed. I can shoot you with a water gun.”
“That was one time!”
As the two’s bickering increased in volume, Junpei felt the arms of his ally close tightly around his waist. “Come on, Handy; let’s live to try another day.”
“You were there! You remember literally being drugged right? I wa-” Alas, a hand clamped itself over the young man’s mouth, and the mission was truly completed. Resigned to watching Phi and Akane smooch again in the distance, he found himself warming in the heart, resigning himself to the thought that maybe the situation was for the better.
Thanks for these prompts! I would have never had this idea without them, and this is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve written all year. It was a ton of fun though, and I hope it gives you as much joy as it has me! Cheers, sense8lotuses.