To: @dispenserbox​

From: @drunkjumpy​

I didn’t even consider this relationship a possibility when I began this project, but after writing this it has grown near and dear to my heart. I’d like to thank dispenserbox for expanding my horizons and ushering me into sigpei hell. I hope you enjoyed this. I worked hard to make it plausible canonically just for you.

The “theme song” of this fic, or rather the song I listened to the most while writing this, is Too Much Is Never Enough by Florence + The Machine. Thank you again, dispenserbox. I might well have enjoyed writing this more than you’ll enjoy reading it.

AO3 link

Chapter 1: Pre-999

“Will tutor cute math students.”

Junpei did a double take at the pastel pink flyer with the tear-off phone numbers. No price was listed, and yet not a single phone number had been taken. Who could pass up free tutoring, especially considering the financial distress students endured in college? It was as if it were destiny.

He evaluated his own cuteness factor. Was he even cute? No, of course not. Cool, handsome men like Tenmyouji Junpei were above the title of cute. But what if this flyer was looking for girls? Could Junpei dress up as a girl? It didn’t matter. Junpei was desperate. He couldn’t fail this class, no matter the cost. As long as it didn’t cost as much as it did to retake this class. Begrudgingly, he ripped off a slip of paper and dialed the number.

“Hey, I need a tutor. How much are you asking?”

Junpei shakily grasped the phone. What if he had to give himself up in order to be tutored? The thought of being in a bed with someone else scared him to death.

“What’s your name, beautiful caller?”

It was a male voice. Junpei was simultaneously relieved and worried. He wouldn’t have to do the unspeakable now, but what if that ruined his chances of being tutored? He decided now was a good time to grovel.

“Junpei. I’m… not a girl. I can dress up like a girl though! Not that I like to. Unless you want me to… Listen, I just really need help with math. I’ll do anything.”

A half chuckle, half sigh could be heard on the other side of the line. What was so amusing about Junpei’s despair?

“Hey, I don’t care about what’s in your pants. I’m not going to see you naked, that’s what porn is for! I just need to make sure you have a nice face so tutoring doesn’t get too boring. I’ll tell you what, meet me by that dead tree on campus in… let’s say a half hour? Then we’ll talk numbers.”

Numbers. Numbers as in money? Money wasn’t supposed to be a factor here. Frenziedly, Junpei attempted to compose himself. “Are you there?! GODDAMMIT!”

He was met with the telltale dial tone. Junpei’s lip quivered as he struggled to come up with an appropriate pun to deescalate the situation.

“Excuse ME, phone. Don’t use that tone on me.”

That was good! He ought to write that one down. But first, it was time to head to the rendezvous point. Okay, maybe it was just a meeting place, but rendezvous sounded far cooler in his head.

Chapter 2: Pre-999

This had to be a prank.

This jackass was laying in the grass wearing a cat shirt that was about two sizes too small for his muscles, chewing gum with his mouth open while stroking what could only be described as anime boy hair. What kind of signals was he trying to send? Junpei sighed and decided the only appropriate response was a pun.

“Meow’s it going?”

Wrong answer. The tutor to be aggressively stood up with wide eyes and clenched fists, squawking out furiously endearing cat puns. “Mew told you about my tic? I’m not KITTEN AROUND!!!” As he screamed, he clenched Junpei’s small figure and shook him fiercely. He couldn’t fight back against the hunk of a man. All he had was his ability to yell back indignantly.

“Tic? What the hell?! Let go of me!”

Realizing all too late it was just an honest mistake, generic anime protagonist boy sat Junpei gently on the ground and tried to conceal his shame.  

“Oh… I mean… you’re here for math, right? Hi. I’m Sigma. You must be Junpei, right?”

Junpei suppressed his boiling anger and gracelessly shook Sigma’s hand. Sigma the math tutor. That could NOT be his real name. Could it? Junpei felt less cool by the second around the peculiar cat man.

“Yup. That’s me. Here for math.”

Sigma flashed him a ultra-white smile and used his grip on Junpei’s hand to his advantage. Shifting his weight forwards, he forcibly shoved Junpei to the ground, rolled over, and laid next to him with his index finger to the sky.

“Say no more! Here’s your first quiz. Look at the clouds. What do you see? Gaze up at the sky with those beautiful brown eyes of yours.”

Junpei did not enjoy being man handled, but it appeared to be ‘Sigma’s’ favorite thing to do. The hell was he, anyway? Some kind of cyborg? There was no way any normal college student had time to get rock hard abs, tutor students, and still get passing grades.  

“What does this have to do with-” He found a finger pressed against his lips. Junpei was eager to prove himself, but couldn’t find the appropriate word. Or… any words. “I see… uh… I don’t know.”

Sigma turned towards Junpei with an earnest expression. “Do you know what I always say when I don’t know what something is? I call it a funyarinpa.”

It sounded rather strange for an American man to say something so similar to his native language, yet gibberish all the same. He hoped he wasn’t being insulted.

“A funyarinpa?”

Grasping his hand, Sigma attempted to make eye contact, but Junpei squirmed under his gaze.

“You’d better believe it. And then when people ask what the hell it is, you act insulted. Turn the tables on them, and you get off scot free! It’s how I survived art appreciation.”

He seemed sincere enough about this bullshit. It was almost compelling. “I… like that.” Junpei found himself laughing. Maybe his guard was up for nothing. This man was just a harmless flirt.

“Feel free to use it! Now, let’s do the deed.”

Junpei proceeded to get up to prepare to run if the clearly not harmless man made any more advances at him. “The deed?!” Sigma tugged at Junpei to prevent him from running off before he got the chance to explain himself.

“Math, you idiot. I already told you I’m not looking to screw you. Why, are you interested?”

Junpei stared at him, wide eyed and clearly terrified. Sigma could tell that he was not comfortable with the topic of sexuality. Shame. He was very cute, just as the flyer he had put out required. The flyer… The poor guy was honestly just looking to be tutored, and Sigma was taking advantage of his desperation.

“Silence. I see. Okay, how about this. Tell me what area of math you have issues with.”

The straightforward business calmed him Junpei down slightly, but he was clearly still shaken by the ordeal. “Well… uh… I’m always typing every little thing into my calculator. Mental math is hard for me.”

Sigma gave him an understanding nod. It was time to put his brain to use. Except instead of using his intellect for pleasure, he would use it to help this boy. If pleasure came out of it, though, he certainly would not mind.

“I learned mental math by doing sudoku. It forces you to learn it in a way that’s not boring. Do you know how to play sudoku?”

Junpei was a bit astounded by the question. He was expecting the standard times table sheet drills. But then again, how could he expect normal from Sigma?

“I’ve heard of it. Don’t old people play sudoku?”

Once more, Sigma forced Junpei to sit on the grass and grinned at him. “What makes you think I’m not an old man in a young body? Now, come here. Let me show you how.”

Chapter 3: Pre-999

Sudoku soon became second nature to Junpei, and Sigma became a part of him. The more time he spent with Sigma, the more progress he made. He quickly moved on to digital roots and other math ventures. Once he got past the dizzying numbers, it was almost kind of fun thanks to his talented teacher.

Of course, at first it was pure business. Sigma had a very ‘hands on’ approach to teaching, so all of the touching was acceptable, normal. Comfortable. Regrettably, one could only do so much sudoku without losing focus. Every lesson descended in to vivacious conversations rich with banter, puns, and the not so occasional flirting. They found themselves baking cookies when they were supposed to be doing math. When things got too close for comfort, Junpei simply brought up cats and everything was fine. Normal. Safe. Their relationship was at a standstill.

“Hey Jump. Do you think we can hang out?”

Junpei scratched his neck and examined the asphalt, leaning against Sigma’s car. What kind of a question was that?  They were past the point of asking. They hung out every day at this point. Sigma examined his nervous stature, concerned, and decided to elaborate.

“Not in a math way. In a… hanging out way?”

Elaboration only made the air thicker as Junpei stuttered out fragments of sentences. “You’re not… of course you’re not. That would be insane. You wouldn’t.”

Both men had equally red faces. Sigma frantically attempted to cut the tension, nervously rambling, “Yeah. Yeah. Of course not! That shit’s wack. Hella wack. I’m not asking you on a… But like, do you want to go out to dinner tonight?”

With clenched fists, Junpei quickly and excitedly replied, “I’d love to! I mean sure. I mean you’re fine. That’s fine. This is great!” Awkward laughter became genuine as Sigma put Junpei over his shoulder.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered. Alright, hop in.” Junpei did not even attempt to fight against being manhandled by Sigma. At this point, he was so used to being carried around he just let Sigma strap him in the passenger seat and drive off. The driver cranked up his radio and sassily lip synced to his Latin EDM. Junpei didn’t pretend to understand a word of the music, but it was too infectious to resist, so he soon joined in the commotion. Before they knew it, they had arrived. Junpei insisted they remain for the rest of the song, and then Sigma ignored him and carried Junpei inside the barren restaurant.

“Oh yeah, I forgot! Place got shut down. Health violation or whatever. Don’t sweat it, I brought our own food. I’m a damn good cook, you know.”

Junpei had seen Sigma cook before. He had one of those frilly pink kiss the cook aprons. It was kind of adorable. Adorable wasn’t important right now, though. They were in the middle of a danger zone! Junpei opened his mouth to protest their presence in hazard town before he found a familiar finger pressed against his lips. “Jump, it’ll be ok. The food was the issue, and we brought our own. Now where do you wanna sit? We have the entire place to ourselves.”

Spinning around, Junpei surveyed the room. All of the windows were boarded up, with little streaks of sunshine peeking in through the cracks. It was almost majestic. “So… everything we do in here is secret, huh?”

Sigma placed his heavy hand on his shoulder and grinned in the dim light. “Yep. No cameras or anything. What happens here stays here. Why, do you have something in mind?”

Junpei glanced at Sigma’s lips for a moment. Sigma was out of his league and far more sexually driven than he cared for. He didn’t have any issues with liking a boy, but being in bed with one was an entirely different thing. Evidently, there were no beds here. Sigma was respectful enough to know the meaning of consent. It would be fine. Everything was fine. Staring, staring, staring at his lips Junpei shook for fear of possibility.

“I’m about to take a gamble. But gambling is math, and I’m pretty good at it.”

Before he had the chance to run, reeling at the sheer prospect of… of whatever he wanted to happen, Sigma crashed into him. The taste of cherry chapstick in his mouth left Junpei shaky and craving more. He had sucked the words out of Junpei’s mouth with his soft lips and hot breath.  

“Thanks. That was… thanks. I mean… You’re an ass,” Junpei muttered as Sigma covered his neck and face in kisses. “Don’t I get a turn?” He looked up at smug Sigma longingly, trying to climb him to get on his level.

“Do you honestly think you can kiss better than-” Junpei shoved his tongue in his mouth as he spoke. Sigma grabbed him and pulled him closer, pushing him against the wall while his feet dangled above the ground.

Eating was the last priority during their little picnic. Junpei simply let himself be held, and kissed, and lavished upon, until the sun set. Sigma drove him home with promises of further meetings and love dripping from his lips as he kissed him goodbye for the night.

The next morning, Junpei was gone.

Chapter 4: Post-999

He could have returned to college. He could have returned to Sigma.

But he couldn’t have. Not after what he’d seen. Not after what he’d known. He had tasted death, betrayal, thousands of worlds at his fingertips. He had shared this with Akane and Akane alone. This was not for the lighthearted. The burden of truth and death laid of Junpei, and he daren’t weigh Sigma down with the sickening knowledge of morphogenetic fields.

Without Sigma, he knew for a fact he would not have been able to seek a way out. Akane was his goal now, though. Sigma could never know him the way Akane did, and as much as he liked, maybe even loved him… he belonged to Akane now. Junpei would destroy himself to find her.

Maybe in another timeline… maybe he would have had a chance. There was no use dwelling on it, though. The past crumbled under future’s iron fist, and the daydreams were gone.

Chapter 5: Pre-ZTD

It was time to find Akane. After fighting for a year, he had tracked her down. Everything was set for him to marry her. Yet when he walked into Dcom, the first thing that caught his eye was a previous love.

“S-sigma? What are you-“

When Sigma turned around, he looked right through him. His gaze was distant and tired, his stance frantic as he grabbed Junpei’s arm brashly, frightened words falling out of his mouth. “Junpei. Why are you here? Do you have a death wish?!”

Junpei tugged his arm away impudently, and scowled at the man he had once cared for. Why did Sigma think he was entitled to touching his body? Just because they shared a few stolen kisses? Regardless of how nice he looked, it was still rude and uncalled for. “I’m just here on business. What’s it to you?”

“You’re going to die if you’re here, Junpei.”

He rolled his eyes. As if he hadn’t died plenty of times already. What was one more death to him when he had a shot at obtaining Akane? “Tch. I’ve heard that one before.”

Sigma grabbed him by the shoulders and yelled, “No! Please, listen to me. The world is going to-”

Suddenly, Sigma’s eyes came into focus as he spotted something behind Junpei. Whipping around, Junpei found the object of his attention. A plain looking redhead. Sigma started muttering incoherently to himself, and quickly ran off, slamming a door behind him.

That was the nature of it, wasn’t it? Fate was forcing them apart. Each of them half pursued, half feared the women that controlled their fates, but until death or another timeline stepped in, they were stuck.

Besides, Sigma seemed like a different person. Older, full of fear and wisdom he had never possessed when Junpei knew him in college. It appeared this year had changed them both.

Chapter 6: Post-ZTD

Everything was foggy. He had went to Dcom, Junpei was sure of that. But… had he seen Akane? He had heard everyone there died. Did that mean Akane…?

Radical 6. It had ravaged the world. Junpei had been interrogated, since he was registered for the experiment, but he couldn’t remember anything. He had this deep urge to pursue Akane, but he found himself unable to carry on with his detective work after the outbreak. The middle aged man settled down in a decently sized hovel, with enough alcohol to numb the pain, and took up being a trash picker. The phone usually rang a few times a week, with someone on the other line begging him for certain materials. Junpei always replied with a numbing heart that he could only work for money. He expected this call to be the same.

“…Junpei. I mean… Jump…”

It was him. Junpei nearly dropped the phone. Someone he loved was alive! The last time he saw him was before the nonary game. He didn’t expect… how? Tears quickly welled up in his eyes as his heart pounded in his chest.

“You’re alive? I checked the survivors list and you were nowhere on there. Nobody I know survived. How did you-“

“I went to live on the moon with my wife, Diana.”

A wife. Of course Sigma had moved on. Junpei had moved on too. So why was he so hurt? Why did the tears that had sprung up in joy now feel bitter and lost? Wiping his face on his shirt, Junpei took a deep breath and continued the conversation.

“You have a wife? I’d love to meet her. I’ve got plenty of beer… I wouldn’t mind hanging out.”

Hanging out. Sigma had asked him on their first and only date like that, but he probably didn’t even remember now that he was married.

“She’s dead. She just died yesterday.”     

Junpei had to suppress a smile. Both of their ‘soul mates’ were dead? Was this a coincidence?

“Sigma…. I’m… we’ve all lost important people to us. Do you want to talk or…”

For a good 15 seconds, there was silence on both lines as they waited for one of them to make some sort of move.

“I’m tired of all of this, Junpei. I’m tired of all of the universes conspiring against us, tired of my destiny being thrust upon me, tired of making sacrifices to save a world that doesn’t love me back. I-”

Coincidences didn’t exist. This was their timeline. This had to be. How else could he have known about it? Unless this was one of those nightmares disguised as a dream that left him crying and screaming and drowning when he woke.

“Universes? You know about morphogenetic fields?”

A low groan could be heard on the other side of the line.

“Does it even matter? Can’t we just go back before any of it mattered? Our college days… You were afraid of even kissing me back then, but I’m sure that’s changed.”

Junpei found himself blushing for the first time in many years.

“S-Sigma, are you asking-“

“Yes. Please let me move in with you. We don’t have to do anything if you-“

“No. No, it’s fine. You can move in with me. I wouldn’t…. I haven’t shared a bed with someone since before Radical Six. It would be nice to have some company.”

Chapter 7: Post-ZTD

Every night for a year, they shared a bed. He didn’t question how Sigma lost his eye, or how he seemingly knew everything about Junpei. It was a contented ignorance, full of somber lovemaking and solemn puns. Junpei wanted to know everything about Sigma, but whenever he brought it up Sigma quickly shut him up with a passionate kiss.

Then there were the nights where the air was more breathable, and the diseased world didn’t seem so scary. Those nights, Sigma would hold Junpei’s hand and gaze up at the moon as he regaled him with stories about the more controversial side of quantum physics.

“I built this eye myself, you know. After… a friend provided me the arms.”

Junpei grabbed his arms and held them up to the dim light, aghast. “Your arms are fake?” Tugging his arms away, Sigma sniggered and casually slid his hand down Junpei’s back.

“You didn’t even notice, did you? I’ve touched you everywhere and you had no idea,” Sigma whispered in his ear seductively.

Normally Junpei would have indulged in these sorts of pleasantries. It did explain why Sigma’s fingers were so nimble. In spite of this, he knew they had to talk. “You’re leaving, aren’t you, Sigma? I know you have to soon.”

Sigma did not hesitate in kissing him in an attempt to shut him up like usual. “What makes you say that, Jump? Don’t be so somber.” Crossing his arms, Junpei frowned while Sigma reached under his shirt.

“You’ve been talking to me lately. Telling me intimate details about your life. You never used to do that. The only reason I can think of is that you’re going to disappear.” Without warning, Sigma’s hands dropped to his sides, and a look of realization came upon his face. He couldn’t keep Junpei in the dark forever, no matter how badly he wanted to.

“Junpei… I… I have to go save the world. You understand, right?”

Taking a moment to process everything, Junpei glanced at his boyfriend with a look of betrayal. Tears quickly turned to hysteria as he began to rave. “Save the world?! This world is past saving, Sigma! Can’t we just let it be? Like you said, go back before any of it mattered. I can’t lose you. I can’t be alone again. Not after she died…”

It was time for the lies to end.

“Akane Kurashiki… is alive.”

With that, Sigma walked out the door for the last time and disappeared into the night.

Chapter 8: VLR

He would have pursued her if he hadn’t found the child outside. Quark became the new focus of Junpei’s life, and his love for Akane and Sigma became more of a fact of life than a constant thought. Except for the fact that as soon as he was contacted by Akane, he dropped everything and decided to endanger Quark and violate everything he stood for on the off chance of seeing her again.

What he didn’t expect to see was Sigma. As soon as he jumped out of the elevator shaft, he glimpsed at him, concerned. Something about Sigma seemed… off. In the end, Junpei decided to ask about the most important things first. They were in a bit of a hostage situation, after all.

“They grabbed you too, huh?” Junpei tried to make eye contact, but Sigma seemed too busy drooling over all of the women surrounding him. He especially seemed to have a penchant for the redhead.

“…Grabbed?… Oh… yeah… I got in my car… I went to start the engine and there was this white smoke….” When he stammered out his narrative, he seemed to be speaking in the same tone of voice he had in college, not the pronounced, regal, and to the point manner he did last time he saw him. Maybe he was just disoriented.

“So… you’d be Tenmyouji then, right, sir?” Sigma truly didn’t remember. What had happened to him when he tried to ‘save the world’?

“Yup.” Tenmyouji was just another player to Sigma. It was time to accept that.

Chapter q: VLR

“She’s just a girl…” Sigma muttered to himself, examining the picture of Akane. “Is she your granddaughter?”

Junpei looked up at Sigma with a pained expression in his eyes. “No.”

Holding the photo up to the light, Sigma tried to recall where he’d seen it before. “Well who is she, then?”

Heartbroken and furious, Junpei decided to grace him with an answer. “Urgh… dammit, fine. You’ve already seen her, after all. Her name is Akane Kurashiki. I’ve been looking for her for… for a long time.”

Akane Kurashiki. He remembered. Swallowing his excitement, Sigma pressed on. “Why?”

The child piped up, eager to reply. “Because she’s his first love.”

---

They were watching the clouds one day when ever smiling Junpei took out a picture.

“Who’s that?”  Sigma struggled to see it against the sun’s glare.

Without hesitation, Junpei handed it over. “Ah, she was my childhood best friend. Her name is Akane Kurashiki.”

Studying Junpei’s contented expression, Sigma tried to make light of the situation. “Ooooh, did you LIKE her?”

Junpei shrugged. “In a childhood crush sort of way, maybe. But we weren’t in love. We never even kissed. There has to at least be a kiss for it to be a first love, right?”

Clutching his hand, Sigma was slightly relieved. “Jump, I’m not sure if that’s how it works.”

---

“N-NO! You’ve got it wrong!”

As the child continued to blather on, Sigma looked up at who he now recognized as Junpei knowingly. She wasn’t his first love. He was. “Huh. Didn’t mark you for a hopeless romantic, Tenmyouji.”

Junpei seemed incredibly nervous. Was he worried he’d find out who was hiding under that shriveled up man? “Look, it’s not about love, and I’m not a goddamn romantic!”

Smirking at his newfound discovery, Sigma advanced towards Junpei. “Okay, okay. You don’t wanna talk about her, I get it.”

Sigma grabbed Junpei and turned the wall so only the two of them were in the tight space. “You wanna talk about me, is that it? How did this… how are you old? How is any of this happening?”

Junpei responded by pushing Sigma into the chair and climbing onto his lap. “…Someone once asked me if we could go back before any of it mattered.”

Placing his hands on Junpei’s waist, Sigma nodded. “We can do that.”

None of this mattered. All that mattered was that they made their love known before it was torn away again. They both journeyed back before any of it mattered… before death and life, the end and the beginning. They were one, and everything was perfect for one moment.

The moment before zero.