
To: @lavenyr
From: @merouses
For lavenyr, Aoi and Light trade flower crowns! Hope you like it, and happy holidays!
Wordpress back-up for the tumblr blog. This is just an archive: the fanart and fanfic posted on this blog are the properties of the users listed and linked in the individual posts.
To: @hardcoreprince
From: @pomegranate-belle
This was some of the fluffiest fluff I have written all year and I hope you like it! Happy holidays!
It was 9:23am when Carlos heard the knock on his apartment door. He had been cleaning and gathering ingredients since 7:15 in preparation for that knock, and although two hours and fifteen minutes had certainly seemed like plenty of time at the start of it, the truth was that he was still trying to get everything organized.
With an unopened bag of flour still tucked beneath his left arm, Carlos tugged open the door to reveal Junpei and Akane, both of their faces flushed adorably from the cold. He smiled.
“Hey, guys.”
“Hi Carlos!” Akane chirped.
“Hey,” greeted Junpei with a crooked grin.
“You know, my place is pretty far for you two,” Carlos pointed out, quirking a brow as he leaned against the doorjamb. “Why did we do this here and not at one of your apartments, again?”
“Think of it like… A test run!” Akane said pleasantly, her arms piled high with bags of Hershey kisses.
Carlos laughed.
“What, so if you guys like my kitchen enough you’ll finally move in with me?” he joked as he held the door open for her.
“Pretty much,” agreed Junpei, sweeping past with a massive bowl of chilled cookie dough cradled to his chest.
A glance out at the street revealed that Junpei’s junky red car was still stuffed to bursting with baking supplies. And so, after dropping his sack of flour onto the kitchen table and dropping a kiss on each of his partners’ foreheads, Carlos headed down to the car to help transfer things to his kitchen. Even with all three of them, it took two round trips to get everything. The kitchen was overtaken, and the less messy ingredients like bagged candy, pretzels, and nuts were tossed onto Carlos’s bed to make room. Then the three of them washed their hands carefully.
“You couldn’t convince Maria to join us?” Akane asked as she cleared a space on the table to roll out cookie dough.
Carlos shook his head.
“No. Apparently the Klim family is doing a little holiday baking today too, and Phi invited her over. Can’t compete with that,” he explained with a wink.
“Are they actually dating yet, or are they still fucking around ‘not labeling things’?” wondered Junpei.
“Between you and me, I think Phi might ask her out today,” Carlos said. “With any luck. I’m sure we can trust Sigma to be pushy and embarrassing in our place.”
Then he picked up his bag of flour from before and opened it and began ladling flour onto the table with a measuring cup. Junpei pulled the cookie dough out of Carlos’s fridge and began peeling off the Saran wrap covering it. Meanwhile, Akane dug through one of the boxes and produced a plastic bag of metal cookie cutters.
She unsealed the bag and dumped them on a corner of the table that wasn’t covered in flour.
“That’s quite the collection,” Carlos noted, sifting through the pile. “Bells, wreaths, snowflakes… Are these gingerbread people?”
Side-by -side sat two vaguely humanoid cookie cutters, one of which seemed to be wearing a dress.
“It’ll be great!” Akane enthused. “We can make little cookie people that look like us!”
“I dunno,” said Junpei, studying the cookie cutter critically. “Don’t you think it’s a little disingenuous to make gingerbread people out of sugar cookie dough?”
“What I think is that you two are putting way too much thought into this,” Carlos said with a laugh.
That seemed to end the discussion. With the cookie dough unwrapped, Junpei went to lift it out and onto the table, but when he tried to release it globs stuck stubbornly to his palms.
“Ah, jeez, just—!”
Junpei flailed his hands, trying to shake the dough off.
“And that’s why we use flour, Jumpy,” Akane said primly, her palms already caked in a layer of it.
She carefully took the majority of the dough out of his hands. Though the dough didn’t come off onto her palms in big chunks like it had for Junpei, it still seemed to want to stick to her. Carlos dipped up another half-cup of flour and sprinkled it over the dough. Akane shot him a grateful smile. After coating the rolling pin in flour too, Akane began rolling out the cookie dough.
“Why don’t you two work on the cookies while I start some of the other things?” Carlos suggested.
Then he detoured into his rooms to grab two bags of pretzel rings and two bags of Hershey kisses. While Akane and Junpei cut out sugar cookies and placed them on baking sheets, Carlos set to work filling another with pretzel rings in careful rows. Then he unwrapped the Hershey kisses and set each one in the center of a pretzel. Almost the moment he had filled the tray, the oven dinged to alert him it was preheated.
Popping on a pair of oven mitts, Carlos slid his tray and one of the trays of cookies into the oven. When he turned back to start filling another tray with chocolate and pretzels, he caught sight of a head of brown hair coated liberally in white.
“Junpei,” Carlos said with a fond sigh, “you’ve got flour in your hair.”
“Ughhhh! It’s not my fault it gets everywhere!” complained Junpei, trying and failing to brush it out with his equally floury hand.
After a few seconds of his flailing, Carlos finally took pity on his boyfriend and, from his higher vantage point, ruffled Junpei’s hair until all the flour was out – or at least, as much as would be dislodged without a shower. There was still a faint stain of whiteness in his hair that reminded Carlos of snowflakes.
Smiling softly, Carlos set the microwave timer for two minutes and an egg timer for twenty, and set back to work filling a baking sheet. Two minutes later, the microwave beeped at him insistently and he turned it off, slipping on his oven mitts again.
“Could someone get the M&Ms?” he asked, pulling open the oven door.
“Got it!” cried Akane, wiping her floury hands on her jeans and leaving stark white handprints behind.
She hurried into the bedroom and returned, ripping off a corner of the M&M bag in her hands. Carlos slid the tray from the oven and held it out for Akane, who carefully pressed one M&M into the center of each melted Hershey’s kiss, squishing them flat and filling the small pretzel rings. After the final one was finished, before Carlos could turn away to set the pan on a cooling rack, Akane stretched up and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose.
Despite himself, Carlos could feel his ears burn with heat at the unexpected kiss. He was comfortable with them, certainly, but having spent so much of his life single and not interested in more, he was still sometimes startled by such displays. While he was distracted, Akane drew a little heart on his cheek with the flour coating her finger. Then she danced away to do the same to Junpei, though he protested halfheartedly while cutting out a sleigh-shaped cookie.
Their morning continued in such a manner, filled with flour and silly kisses and the ding of timers, until at last the dough had all been used up. The chocolate pretzel rings were cooling on the counters, and Carlos was cooking a pot of caramel to coat their homemade Chex mix. Akane had rolled their dough for thumbprint cookies into evenly sized little balls.
It was only then, as Junpei went to gather supplies to mix up frosting for the cookies, that they realized something was missing.
“We forgot the powdered sugar?” groaned Junpei. “No way, I double-checked everything!”
“I don’t have any in the house either,” Carlos added sheepishly from the stove. “And with this much cooking at once I don’t know if we can afford to send someone out to buy more without burning something.”
The three of them fell silent.
“Two choices lie before us,” Akane said solemnly, her eyes closed, though neither of her boyfriends knew if she was truly consulting the morphogenetic field or not. “We could call Aoi for help and potentially invite disaster, or we could not call for help, in which case we will definitely invite disaster.”
Junpei and Carlos glanced at each other, and then back at Akane.
“Uh… I’m going to go with my gut and pick potential disaster over certain disaster,” Carlos replied.
“Ditto,” agreed Junpei.
Akane’s shoulders slumped.
Ten minutes and one embarrassing phone call later, there was a knock on Carlos’s front door.
But when Junpei opened it, instead of Aoi Kurashiki, in through the door stepped Santa Claus with a gray Wal-Mart sack slung over his shoulder.
“Uhhhhhhh…”
Junpei glanced from the Santa Claus in the doorway back to Akane and Carlos to see if they were seeing what he was. By their expressions, they were.
“I heard there was a good little girl around here who needed some baking supplies?” the red-clad stranger asked in a false-deep voice, and Junpei realized that they weren’t dealing with Santa Claus at all, but another Santa entirely.
There was a smack, and Junpei’s eyes darted to Akane again to find her hand pressed to her forehead.
“Ugh, please tell me you didn’t go to the grocery store dressed like that,” she muttered.
Aoi smirked back, though his sister wasn’t even looking at him.
“How else would I go?”
“It’s December fifth, Aoi!”
“I think you mean Christmas fifth,” he retorted, handing off his shopping bag to Carlos.
The bag was rifled through quickly to make sure it contained what they needed, and then set in the kitchen. Instead of rejoining the group, though, Carlos moved past them into his bedroom.
“I do not mean Christmas fifth,” Akane complained, making her way back into the kitchen with Aoi and Junpei on her heels. “Why do you have to be so embarrassing? I’m grown up now, you don’t have to pretend to be Santa anymore, you weirdo.”
“You know, Akane,” said Aoi, “insulting Santa Claus is a good way to get coal in your stocking. You might have to shift to a different timeline to get any presents.”
“How about I shift to a timeline where you’re not so annoying?” Akane huffed.
“Good luck finding one.”
Aoi and Junpei startled at having spoken in unison, then shared a quick fistbump. Akane groaned piteously.
“Please just take the beard off,” she said to Aoi. “I’m begging you. God is begging you. The entire morphogenetic field is begging you.”
“It’s not in the spirit of Christmas to ask Santa to take off his beard.”
“Aoi…!”
“No, no,” he protested. “Call me Santa!”
“You are the worst!”
Aoi planted his hands on his hips.
“If I was the worst, would I have brought you that powdered sugar you needed?” he asked, taunting his sister by shaking his head to wave his fake beard at her.
Akane puffed her cheeks out angrily. And then she shoved him.
“Whoa—!”
Aoi toppled backwards with a yelp.
Luckily for him, Carlos stepped back into the kitchen just in time to catch him under the arms.
“Hi Carlos,” Aoi said, looking up at Carlos with a grin that even the floofy fake beard couldn’t hide.
“Hey!” Akane protested. “No flirting with my boyfriends! I never flirt with your dates!”
Aoi didn’t deign to give that claim a verbal response. Instead, he leveled Akane with the flattest stare he could manage while wearing a Santa costume and still half-draped against Carlos. Akane glanced away, and had the decency to look a bit ashamed of herself.
A loud beep filled the kitchen.
“That was one time,” she muttered, turning back to get the paper bag of caramel Chex mix out of the microwave. “And she was really cute.”
Akane shook the bag violently, pretending it was her brother. Setting Aoi upright, Carlos cleared his throat and placed the bag of pecans he’d gone to get on the counter. As he did, his eyes glanced over the microwave’s digital clock, and he did a double-take. It read 1:03pm.
“It’s that late already?” he murmured.
Then Junpei was at his shoulder looking too.
“No wonder I’m starving. We should break for lunch.”
On cue, Akane and Aoi’s stomachs growled loudly. Junpei laughed.
“Want to join us for lunch, Aoi?” offered Carlos.
He shrugged in response.
“What’re you guys having?” he asked.
A glance around the kitchen told them all that, whatever it was, it wouldn’t be homemade.
“We can just order something from that burger place downtown,” suggested Junpei. “Cheap, quick, convenient. I don’t really care as long as I get food.”
“Oh, I want their crispy chicken sandwich!” Akane said. “But no tomato. And a small order of French fries?”
“They got wraps there, right? I’ll just take one of those with chicken in it, I guess,” Aoi added.
“Double cheeseburger and fries,” said Junpei.
Carlos nodded, rubbing his chin.
“They still have that burger with the swiss cheese and the mushrooms, don’t they? That sounds good to me, so I guess we’re all in agreement. But who should go order?”
“I’ll go get it, you lovebirds keep cooking,” Aoi insisted.
“No!” Akane raced past him and blocked the door, her arms spread wide. “No way! You’re not going out there dressed like that again!”
“And are you going to stop me, little sister?”
“Yes!”
The argument only devolved from there, into childish insults and mocking nicknames. Junpei watched with interest, nibbling on a leftover pretzel stick that hadn’t made it into the Chex mix. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to intervene. Which, Carlos realized, meant it was up to him.
“I’ll go,” he said, then louder when the bickering siblings didn’t hear him. “Hey! I’ll go.”
“I will take the ring to Mordor,” Junpei stage-whispered in falsetto.
Carlos bit his lip to cover up a smile.
“Seriously. I’ll get the food, you two,” he said, placing a hand on each of the Kurashikis’ shoulders. “Just keep going with the thumbprint cookies for me, alright?”
Twenty minutes of work later, the caramel Chex mix was drying on wax paper, the small batch of thumbprint cookies had all been baked and thumbprinted, and the chocolate pretzel rings were boxed up in the fridge. Aoi had just finished pulling a tray of sugar cookies out of the oven when Carlos returned with a huge paper bag in his arms.
“Sorry I took so long,” he apologized. “The line was huge.”
“Just gimme the food,” Junpei replied, making grabby hands.
Aoi stripped off the Santa Claus beard at last, so he didn’t end up getting food in it.
“Let’s see…” said Carlos, digging through the massive paper sack and pulling out meals. “A crispy chicken sandwich for Akane, hold the tomato. A double cheeseburger for Junpei. A chicken salad wrap for Aoi… And a mushroom swiss burger for me.”
Akane went up on her tiptoes, peering into the bag.
“And one, two, three orders of fries,” she counted, pulling out her own little box of French fries. “That’s everything.”
Satisfied that everything was as it should be, they settled in to eat.
“Trade you a bite of my sandwich for a bite of yours,” Akane bartered five minutes into lunch, holding out her half-eaten chicken sandwich.
“Tempting,” Junpei replied sarcastically. “Unfortunately, I am already too… Chicken.”
The pun, paired with Junpei’s deadpan expression, caught Carlos so off guard that he snorted soda up his nose and started coughing.
Thankfully that was the only mishap, and once they had all finished eating and thrown their trash in the garbage can, Akane lugged Carlos’s mixer onto the table and started mixing up the frosting. It took several adjustments to get the balance of powdered sugar and milk right for the perfect frosting consistency, but in the end everyone was satisfied with it.
“And now,” declared Akane as she lifted the spatula in the air, “we frost!”
“What colors should we do?” Carlos asked.
“We have to have red and green!”
“Blue,” suggested Junpei, digging through the tiny box of food coloring for Akane’s picks and his own. “And yellow.”
“White,” Aoi said. “You should just leave some plain.”
Carlos nodded, accepting the little bottles from Junpei.
“And what about brown?” he asked.
The other three paused, and then looked at him with equally skeptical expressions.
“Who wants to eat brown frosting?” Junpei demanded, sticking out his tongue.
“But, you know it… I mean… For reindeer and tree trunks and stuff…?” fumbled Carlos.
Akane squinted at him. There was definitely something weird… Carlos could be a hell of an actor, but he also wasn’t good at keeping secrets from the people closest to him. What kind of secret he could have involving the color of frosting was beyond her, but something told her it would be a good surprise so she didn’t ruin it by trying to take a glance downstream in the timeline.
“That makes sense!” she chirped instead.
There was no brown food coloring, of course, so in the end they mixed a few different colors to get it. Carlos was oddly specific about the shade he wanted, and Akane reminded herself very firmly not to cheat with her ESPer powers.
Once five bowls of frosting had been mixed with color and the sixth left plain, Carlos rummaged around in his lower cupboards and pulled out a box filled with white piping bags, plastic rings, and metal tips. Quickly and efficiently, Carlos fitted six bags with the icing tips and secured them with the plastic couplers.
“Wait, you actually have piping bags?” Junpei asked. “What are you, a cooking channel chef?”
“How do you think I frosted Maria’s birthday cake?” retorted Carlos, spooning a glop of red frosting into the bag.
“Uh, I thought you bought it, like a normal person.”
Nonetheless, Junpei pitched in by filling another bag with green frosting. Akane grabbed a spoon and helped out with blue, while Aoi, predictably, filled another piping bag with white frosting. With all four of them working, all six colors were soon bagged and ready to frost with.
“Gonna help us frost cookies, Santa?” Junpei asked with a smirk.
Aoi snorted.
“No way in hell, I’m out. Santa eats cookies, he doesn’t make ‘em. I did my part and now I’m gonna go home and hibernate.”
With a quick half-hug around Akane’s shoulders and a wave for her boyfriends, Aoi was out the door with his Santa Claus beard in hand.
“I’d file that under not-disaster, I think,” Carlos said optimistically.
Akane gave an irritated huff, but made no verbal protest. Then she, Junpei, and Carlos sat down to begin frosting the sugar cookies.
Only a few minutes in, it was clear that the task would not be as easy as it sounded.
“Will it just…! Oh, come on!” Akane muttered, swiping another glob of yellow frosting off the tip of the icing bag with a finger after it refused to stick to the cookie.
Moodily, she stuck the finger in her mouth and ate the frosting off so it didn’t go to waste or make a mess. Junpei, sitting across from her, wasn’t doing much better. But instead of trying to get his designs as pretty as possible like Akane, he had embraced his lack of icing skill and just scribbled lines of blue across several of the cookies nearest him. Carlos, of course, was completely in his element, which Akane found particularly unfair. Still, even he had to occasionally scrape clumping frosting off the tip of his piping bag.
“We definitely made too many cookies,” Junpei groaned after a full hour, massaging his cramping hand. “We’ll never finish frosting them all.”
“If you need a break, you could take the red and start filling the thumbprints,” suggested Carlos. “The red frosting is kind of thin,” he gestured at the cookies with red frosting oozing off them and onto the plastic tablecloth, “so it should be the easiest to use.”
With a worn-out sigh, Junpei got to his feet and picked up the piping bag with the red frosting. But he didn’t complain as he started to fill the divots in the pecan-speckled cookies – Carlos had been right, it was easier. His fingers were still sore from trying to squeeze the blue frosting onto the sugar cookies earlier, but the ache started to ebb. And standing at the counter with the cooling rack full of thumbprint cookies gave him the perfect vantage for looking at his boyfriend and girlfriend. Akane, who faced him straight on, had a cute and familiar concentrated look on her face, the tip of her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth. And from the side he got a view of Carlos’s forearms, bared by his rolled-up sleeves and flexing as he worked. Junpei grinned.
Ok, he thought, maybe this was worth a little ache in his hands.
It didn’t take long to finish up with the thumbprint cookies, and Junpei settled back down between Carlos and Akane and dutifully continued frosting sugar cookies.
The next time any of them looked at a clock, it was after 7:00pm.
Carlos sighed, leaning back from the table.
“We should eat supper,” he murmured.
“Ehh, I’m not really hungry,” Junpei admitted.
“Me either,” said Akane. “I guess we’ve been snacking all evening, so…”
In truth, they all just wanted to be done. Seeming to realize this, everyone returned to frosting – this time with a little less creativity and finesse. Carlos even ate a few unfrosted cookies as he worked just to trim down the number they had to finish.
When the final cookie, a bell, was frosted, all three let out a sigh of relief and stood to stretch.
“That… Was a lot of cookies,” Junpei sighed.
Carlos nodded in agreement.
“Maybe next year we only need a half batch of dough.”
“But we did such a good job!” offered Akane. “We should at least take some time to admire them and show each other our favorites.”
Junpei smiled indulgently, leaning back into Carlos’s chest as the blond slung an arm around his shoulders.
“Why don’t you go first then, Kanny? Since it’s your idea.”
Akane gestured to a small forest of green tree cookies in one corner of the table, covered in red and blue garlands and yellow stars.
“Look how good they got!” she said proudly.
“That’s really something,” agreed Junpei, looking impressed.
“Yeah, they’re great!” Carlos said with a smile. “You picked up icing pretty quick, Akane.”
She beamed at them both.
“How about you, Jumpy?”
In reply, he leaned forward and pulled out a cookie from the lineup with a flourish. It was splattered with blue and white frosting in a seemingly random pattern.
“Uh… What is that?” Akane wondered.
“It’s a Funyarinpa, Kanny,” Junpei explained impatiently.
Akane squinted and tilted her head, trying to find any familiarity in the scribbles of icing.
“If you say so Jumpy,” she said at last.
“I think I can see it,” Carlos told them. “It looks good, Junpei. The frosting is really even.”
They all stared down at the Funyarinpa cookie for a few more seconds, thoughtfully.
“And which ones are your favorites, Carlos?” asked Akane.
At that, he moved closer to the table, blocking the cookies from view. After a little bit of shuffling, Carlos stepped out of the way to show the other two.
“Taadaa?” he said with a shrug, splaying his hands.
“Ohhhh, Carlos, they’re so cute!” exclaimed Akane, clapping and bouncing on her toes.
There, in a line, sat three gingerbread-person sugar cookies, carefully frosted. The first had several streaks of brown hair and a grumpy face; it wore a red shirt with a blue vest and blue pants. The second cookie-person was the kind wearing a dress. It also had brown hair, though it fell over the front of its little cookie shoulder in a ponytail, and its face was neutral, almost thoughtful. It wore a white dress with a brown belt, and blue pants underneath. The last cookie had yellow hair, a smiling face, and a simple green shirt with blue pants.
“Of course you blew the rest of us out of the water,” Junpei scoffed, but he was smiling too.
Together they packed up all the cookies into Tupperware and put them into the fridge so they wouldn’t get stale, then bagged the Chex mix. Though there were still plenty of baking supplies and tools scattered around, the kitchen looked kind of empty without the results of their work laid out everywhere.
The glowing numbers on the microwave clock told them it was 9:35pm.
“You can go, if you want to,” Carlos said, suddenly a little hesitant. “I’ll clean this up in the morning, it shouldn’t take too long, so you don’t have to stay if—”
“There’s no way in hell I’m driving home tonight,” Junpei declared.
And so, with floury stains all over their clothes and hands tinted by smears of colorful frosting, the three of them piled into Carlos’s bed for a good night’s sleep.
“… Love you,” Carlos said quietly, in lieu of a goodnight.
A soft yawn filled the air.
“We’re gonna move in,” Akane answered.
“Mmm,” agreed Junpei. “Yeah. But you have to cook breakfast. That’s what firefighters do.”
Too tired to laugh fully, Carlos just let out an amused whuff of air, smiling.
“It’s a deal.”
To: @siggyklim
From: @chessanator
One very very smart Alice and one very very smart Lotus coming right up! I hope you like maths, and Merry Christmas!
(p.s. Please try and pretend that the prime numbers are bigger than they are. I realised half-way through writing that I didn’t have easy access to 19 industrial-grade prime numbers for fanfic-purposes)
25th November, 2029
Alice knew that, technically speaking, Hazuki Kashiwabara fell under the purview of the ‘If I tell you, I’ll have to shoot you’ Protocol. She also didn’t much care. After the Nonary Game she had been kidnapped for and with both her daughters working for the Special Office of Internal Security, Hazuki already knew most of everything worth knowing, and knew why it was important to keep it all secret. More importantly, Hazuki was actually a really useful lady to have around. You didn’t just find her sort of genius standing by the side of the road. So Alice didn’t much care for anyone saying she wasn’t allowed to invite her friend into the Office whenever she felt like.
Of course, when an officer of the SOIS doesn’t care for something, it doesn’t actually matter.
So, one blatantly forged ID badge later, Hazuki was comfortably situated in Alice’s office, swinging the swivel-chair by the computer gently around. Alice settled for lounging on the sofa opposite. One of the key tenets of SOIS operations was matching intelligence assets to the task they were best suited for, and despite the electronic warfare training all agents went through Alice could be confident that with Hazuki at the computer there was little more she could contribute.
“So how are Nona and Ennea doing these days?” Hazuki asked. After nearly losing her two daughters a decade before, that question was always her first when she and Alice met.
“Overseas, at the moment,” Alice replied. She followed it up with her usual thin smile that said, ‘and you don’t need to know anything more.’
“‘Overseas’? Really?” Hazuki scoffed, “Wasn’t this supposed to be the office of internal security?”
Folding her arms and smirking, Alice said, “America’s internal security starts as far as possible from our borders. The earlier we catch the bastards, the safer we all are.”
“Yup, I guess so.” With that, Hazuki swung around in her chair, half way towards the keyboard. “So what’s up today, Alice? Who are we going to hack apart this time?”
Alice shrugged. “Maybe I just wanted to talk to an old friend.”
“You know, for a top secret agent of the most clandestine agency in the world, your lies are just awful. If you just wanted to chat, there are plenty of cafés around here where we could have met. About half of which are entirely staffed by patsies of yours, if you really needed to discuss something confidential.”
“That’s not true!” Alice exclaimed. She held her mock-outraged expression for a couple of seconds, then relaxed. “After Light quit his harpist job, we haven’t got any leverage on his replacement yet. That makes the number of cafés we control half-minus-one by my count, thank you.”
Hazuki chuckled lightly. Then, she continued, “Still, I know I’m right. We wouldn’t be meeting here if you didn’t need my skills. So tell me, Alice: what’s up?”
“Nothing world-ending,” Alice said, getting to the point, “Just this mafia group that’s resurfaced. The one that tried to take over the Las Vegas strip a couple of years back. We thought that we’d eradicated them back then, but it looks like we only managed to weed out all the stupid.” Annoyed as Alice was that the previous mission hadn’t been a complete success, it wasn’t a complete washout. At the very least, it had been a relatively proving ground for Light and Clover to win their spurs.
“Smart mafiosos? Rue the day.” Hazuki gestured avidly towards the computer she was sitting at and said, “Just general hacking disruption, then? Or are you after something in particular?”
Alice considered it. “We’d like to know where they are getting their money from. They couldn’t have recovered this fast without outside help.”
Hazuki grinned. “Can do.”
After five minutes of preparation, Hazuki was ready to go. Alice had done her part, aiming the computer at the closest thing the Office had to an entry-point to the gang’s computer network; now she could step back and just let Hazuki get to work. Hazuki cracked her knuckles and stretched out her back, ready to type.
Hazuki glanced at Alice.
Alice nodded.
The hacking began.
Green lines of code swept across the screen as Hazuki’s fingers swept across the keyboard. The screen flashed with one window full of data then another; Hazuki gave each only a moments glance, absorbing the information then dismissing the window in favour of the next. Each snippet of data informed the next piece of code, and without quite understanding what was going on Alice could feel them spiralling in and in towards their target. At the very least, Hazuki was grinning in anticipation.
And then the screen went blank.
“No!” Hazuki gasped. She slammed her hands onto the desk, rattling the keyboard.
Alice stared at the dark empty screen. “W-What happened?!”
“I was this close,” Hazuki hissed. She tapped the left mouse button a couple of times, bring the last few windows of data and code back onto the screen. “Look here. This group has set up their network by using a regularly updating schedule of private and public cryptography keys for an RSA system. After random intervals each computer in the network chooses a new private key, constructs the new public key, and distributes it to all the other trusted computers on the network. I had just set up a buffer-overflow past their final layer of defences, and I was this close to injecting code that would trick those computers into thinking we were part of the trusted network, when someone human noticed and scrubbed us out.”
Alice knew far more than the basics of computer security and infiltration, but even so she’d never heard of a cryptosystem complicated as that. “What’s with that? Surely that’s a bit excessive, especially compared to what this group had the last time we beat them.”
Hazuki let out a wry bitter chuckle, then said, “It’s probably worth it, if they knew we were after them. It was reasonably well-programmed, at least, and it had to have been the reason your in-house guys couldn’t break in. Even if you brought all your processing power to bear, you couldn’t break through. I found out that this was the public key just before we were kicked out –” Hazuki elegantly indicated a number – 599725548175349234588407 – at the bottom of the window she had restored “– but by the time you can get SOIS’ supercomputers into action to factorise it, they’ll have already moved onto another key.
“God help us. So even though we know it’s 599746013723 times 999 965876309, we still can’t…” Alice trailed off.
Hazuki sat there, frozen by complete disbelief.
Alice snapped her fingers in front of Hazuki’s face. “Hello? Hazuki Kashiwabara? Are you still with us?”
Hazuki murmured, “That’s… That’s not possible.”
“Thank god. I thought I was going to have to say that Seven had called you an old lady.”
Alice’s flippant comment went nowhere. Hazuki still stared at her, but her eyes showed none of the anger they should have. To be honest, Alice was rather concerned.
“Hazuki…? Lotus?”
“That’s completely impossible,” Hazuki said again. She turned back to the computer screen, furiously typed some code; she stopped and turned back to Alice only when another number had appeared on the screen. “Alice,” she said, concern filling her voice, “Can you look at this, please?”
Alice looked at the number: ‘724677698895304108732301’. “It’s 803065408993 times 902389382957,” she replied.
Hazuki pressed ‘enter’ on the keyboard; another number appeared. “And this?”
Alice didn’t need to study ‘668089868878852858021373’ for even a second. “769945710559 times 876710358947.”
Hazuki murmured again, “It’s completely impossible…” She tapped out a long string on the keyboard, then pressed enter again.
Alice stared at the number ‘90591875222471336864959701060623807145969394309’. “What the hell, Hazuki?”
“Thank goodness.” Hazuki sighed, her relief almost filling the room. “You can’t actually solve –”
“It’s obviously 324270473809 times 465783271379 times 599886421037 times 999836357587. Why are you wasting my time with simple things like this?”
“What the HELL?!”
Once Hazuki had recovered, she explained. “Alice… every single bit of computer security in the entire world depends on our inability to easily factorise primes. We can produce numbers in a couple of minutes that can’t be broken in centuries. Shouldn’t be broken in centuries. But you were doing it instantly.”
Alice shrugged. “I’ve told you. I’ve always been good at math.”
“I know. But this isn’t just ‘good-at-math’ good at math. This is ‘you could walk into any bank in the world and walk out with all their money’ good at math.” Hazuki paused, staring at Alice inquisitively. “Alice… Are you an esper?
“Huh?”
“I should have realised with Nona and Ennea,” Hazuki said, “I should have noticed the signs, when they started to get twice as good at school tests without needing to revise, and when one of them would know all the spoilers for a series that only the other had watched. If I’d noticed, maybe I could have protected them, or at least worked out why they had been taken. I decided that I would be more observant next time. So, Alice: are you an esper?”
Alice folded her arms sternly. “No. I’m not.”
At that moment, Clover leaned through the office door, her pink hair bouncing eagerly as swung on the doorframe. “Yep she is!”
“Clover!” Alice snapped.
“What? We’ve known all year: me, Light, all of us! Anyway, see you later!” Clover swung away and skipped down the corridor before Alice could reply.
Alice scowled, but she couldn’t avoid the truth. Everyone she’d demonstrated it to had been convinced that there was something extraordinary about her mathematical abilities. She hadn’t become a highly-ranked officer of SOIS by failing to look past her own biases. She took a deep breath and accepted the facts in front of her. “Interesting. I’m sure there’s some way the Office can use this.”
Hazuki nodded slightly. “You can break pretty much any encryption in the world. I’m sure your bosses will find something for you to do. But…” She trailed off, glaring at her computer screen. “Doesn’t help us much with this, though. The mafia group we were trying to hack were updating their keys too regularly. By the time I’ve given you one, you’ve factorised it, and I’ve hacked in, they’ll already have changed to another one. That’s for every single one of the 37 nodes of their network. And even if I do break through, the person who caught me last time will probably force me out again. If we could automate your ability, of course I could hack them. But…”
‘If we could automate your ability.’ Alice thought about those words, and a spark lit in her mind. She was still getting used to the idea of being an esper herself, but she was comfortably familiar with esper abilities as a concept and in practice. She had recruited Light and Clover, Nona and Ennea, and all the rest of the Nonary Game espers. She had trained them, seen them in action, carried them through their first missions. Mentoring those espers and making them useful to SOIS and the country had been the declared goal of the unit she led. But it hadn’t been the only goal.
“I think I have an idea.”
– 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 –
Hazuki watched as the technicians clustered around the sofa where Alice lay, fiddling with wires and waving scanning devices. It didn’t look to Hazuki like the bustling activity was actually making any progress at all, but eventually the techs decided they had completed what they had set out to accomplish and backed off, letting Alice sit up. Hazuki looked Alice over.
“Well congratulations, Alice,” she drawled, “You’re winning first prize at the next cyberpunk convention you go to.”
Alice really would have won such a prize. If the metal casing that covered the right side of her head wasn’t enough, and the flashing lights that spun around the surface didn’t seal the deal, then the fact that the wires – which sprouted in a chaotic rainbow-coloured nest above the device – also appeared to bury their way into her head would have convinced anyone that she was a technologically-enhanced agent for a clandestine government conspiracy. Correctly, as it happens.
“I have to ask: what is…” Hazuki carefully pointed at the device, making sure that her finger didn’t get caught in the tangle of wires or touch anything important. “… that?”
Alice tilted her head, testing out the weight of the thing that had been attached to it. “SOIS has been working on this for quite a while now. In fact, we’ve been developing this for… two years, now.” Alice said that last part as suggestively as possible. She hadn’t said, ‘from the moment we recruited the survivors of the Nonary Games,’ but she might as well have. “Ever since we found out that the morphogenetic field existed and that there were espers who could use it, we knew we had to employ it to protect the nation. We recruited every esper brave enough to join us, of course, but we couldn’t just leave it to chance. I wouldn’t rest if we were just leaving it to chance. So from the beginning we’ve wanted to see if we can automate esper abilities. Working with the gentlemen down at Area 51 who were researching… well, it’s classified. But this…” Alice pointed – far too calmly – at the contraption that had been wired into her brain. “This is the prototype for the device we came up with.”
Hazuki had a horrifying flash of images go through her mind; Ennea having that device clamped onto her head and Nona having that device clamped onto her head and both of them being wired into machines to be extracted from. “That sounds far too similar to what Gentarou Hongou and his Cradle goons were trying to accomplish. You wanted to put my daughters in –”
“Please,” Alice interrupted, “We weren’t planning on forcing anyone into it. Just like when Nona and Ennea joined us in the first place, it would have been entirely their choice. If we couldn’t have tested this with willing volunteers, it wouldn’t have been worth it at all.” Alice paused. “I’m rather glad I’m the one who is testing the prototype out. We hadn’t used it yet because we were concerned about the possibility of it affecting both siblings through their connection. If I’m not an esper, it shouldn’t cause me any harm, If I really am… I’ll have to learn maths from the ground up again. Probably.”
Hazuki could at least respect that her friend was willing to put own life on the line before involving anyone else. “Yup. Anyway, what are we supposed to do with this?”
“It should be wirelessly connected to that computer,” Alice explained, “You send me numbers; I’ll factorise them and send them back to you. If it works the way I imagine it will then I won’t even need to consciously think about it: it’ll just happen.”
Alice seemed perfectly comfortable having that device connected to her brain, and Hazuki trusted her friend to weigh up the benefits and risks and make the best choice. If so, then they were ready to begin. Hazuki sat down at the computer and began her usual pre-programming stretches, loosening her muscles and getting a feel for where the keyboard lay in front of her. Once her back muscles were fully exercised and supple she was ready to go.
“Let’s kick some ass.”
It really was too good to be true. In fact, it was a hacker’s dream in digital form. Hazuki barely had to do anything at all once the original program was written. The code just did the work for her. As the attack encountered each obstacle, Alice would hum to herself and numbers would fly across the screen as the encryption key was factorised to shreds. At one point the enemy sysadmin caught her like before and reformatted one hacked computer. Then another. Then a third. It didn’t matter. Hazuki had complete control over every other computer on the network, and the freed computers were reinfected with malware faster than Hazuki could blink. Overwhelmed, the enemy gave up.
Nothing could stop her.
With the hack successful, it was time to make use of the access she had. Hazuki started by scouring the databases for every picture of gang members she could find, downloading them to the SOIS servers. That would help the police find and arrest every last one of the bastards. She looked up information about the routes they used to smuggle in drugs and victims, and plotted them as best she could on a map. Then, with the obvious stuff done, Hazuki went further.
A politician who the mafia had been blackmailing: his details and proof were anonymously slipped to a local newspaper. Irregularities in the accounts of the casino the gang had laundered money through highlighted and sent to the IRS. Emails to two hit-squads edited to direct them away from their at-least-probably-more-innocent targets and at each other’s hideouts. With her all-encompassing presence on their computers, Hazuki could do to them whatever she wanted.
Finally, because it was what Alice had originally asked her to find, Hazuki went for the money. She didn’t know anything about how criminal syndicates organised their cashflow; her career before she had met Alice had only been at boringly respectable companies. But looking at it from the position she occupied, it was clear as day. One by one, the accounts were drained, frozen, and involuntarily donated to missing-children charities. After five minutes, the only trace left of all the gang’s crime-earned cash was the database of transactions that Hazuki had downloaded.
Hazuki pressed escape. The attack program ended, closing every window but the one that showed the financial documents.
“Bullseye!” Hazuki called across the room, “Alice, I did it! We won’t see those bastards anytime soon.”
When Hazuki glanced round, Alice was tapping the esper device bemusedly. “Really? It hardly felt like anything was happening on my end. Hmm… I guess they were telling the truth when they told us this was safe.”
“I guess they were,” Hazuki replied. She paused. “Still, test it out one someone else before giving my daughters one. I’m sure Clover would be an eager guinea-pig.”
“Yup!” Clover had stuck her head through the door again as she skipped back down the corridor. She stared at the protruding web of wires coming from Alice’s head. “Woah, that looks awesome! Is this the new SOIS thing? Tell me when I get mine!” Before Alice or Hazuki could give Clover a reply – sensible or otherwise – Clover had skipped away again.
Alice shrugged elegantly. “I guess so.” She stretched, then stood up from the sofa she had been resting on while the hack was in progress and walked over to Hazuki, reading the screen over her shoulder. “Those are the accounts of all those criminal’s money, then? Did you manage to find out who was funding them?”
As far as Hazuki was concerned – and she knew that Alice felt the same way – accounting was the job of people who went to work in suits, not those who could wear whatever they damn well pleased. But there were some simple macros she could set to work that might just do the job for her. She started one, searching for any name that appeared too often in the list of transactions she had taken.
To her surprise, it worked. One single name, belonging to one single organisation, appeared in the list ten times as often as anything that wasn’t one of the mafia’s own accounts. Practically every single cent the mafia had owned had at some point in its life passed through the wallet of this one particular company.
“Alice,” Hazuki murmured, “Have you ever heard of a company called Epsilon Derivatives Ltd?”
Alice frowned. “No. I’ve never heard of it. But… Something about the way it sounds famil–”
Before Alice could finish, every single klaxon in the SOIS building went off at once.
“Alert! Electronic warfare attack in progress! Electronic warfare attack in progress! Turn off all non-necessary computerised equipment until an all-clear announcement is made. Electronic warfare attack in progress!”
“No.” Alice’s voice came out as a slight determined hiss.
Hazuki didn’t need to be told once. “I’ll see what I can do.” Drawing in more of the SOIS processing and network resources than she was technically supposed to have access to, Hazuki started to explore how the attack was targeting SOIS. It was easy enough: she quickly found some malicious code that had been injected into an obscure section of the operating system. Weirdly, it would have activated the fire-prevention sprinklers the next time Light Field used his voice-controlled computer. Hazuki quickly removed it; she didn’t want to get wet.
Then she noticed another thing: pieces of malware and viruses and trojans being inserted into files across the parts of the system Hazuki could access. She scoured out each one she could directly alter, directed the antiviruses towards the ones she couldn’t, and then came back to find even more malware in the spaces she had previously cleared.
Something about the whole thing seemed disturbingly familiar.
Defending mindlessly wasn’t going to be enough. Hazuki left the antiviruses to search for malware as best they could and turned her attention to the channel of incoming attacks. The attacker was redirecting their attacks via thousands of decoy computers around the entire internet and Hazuki couldn’t work out where the attack was originating from. But it was all arriving at the same place, and Hazuki was able to intercept some of the incoming packets as they streamed. She read them.
Lines of obviously malicious code, all cryptographically signed as though it had come from inside SOIS, each one naïvely accepted by the system because of that forged verification.
Hazuki hoped that the fact that she had just used the same technique herself wasn’t the only reason she worked it out so quickly. Someone with her skills and experience should have been able to puzzle it out even from scratch. That was all academic, though; SOIS encryption had been broken, the attack was underway, and Hazuki had to get that information out as quickly and as clearly as possible.
“Alice! They’ve broken our encryption!” she called out. After a pause, she added, “Just like we did.”
“How many of our keys have been broken?” Alice asked.
Hazuki glanced at the incoming packets of malware again. One said it had come from the head of SOIS’ research department, another claimed to have come from the Vice-President, a third one had been forged to appear as if Alice herself had authorised it.
“All of them.”
Alice stayed stoic; her voice stayed level and controlled. “Their target will be the top-secret information we have stored in the databases here. Our resources, our current missions, our agents’ identities.” Nona’s and Ennea’s faces flashed before Hazuki’s eyes as Alice said that. Alice continued, “What’s our defence?”
There was no defence. “We have to unplug everything,” Hazuki replied, “Literally everything. I’d tell you what to prioritise, but if I knew what the most important things were you’d probably have to shoot me. Just… Just rip the cables out of the servers if you have to. It’s the only way.”
Alice nodded. “Okay. Stay here.” Alice darted for the door of the office, stopping only to turn and slide a small earpiece across the desk towards Hazuki. “I’m heading to the server room. Do the best you can to delay, and contact me if anything changes up here.” Then, Alice was gone.
Hazuki focused all her attention back on the computer screen. Delay. That was what she had to do. She couldn’t defend, but if she programmed as hard and as smart as she ever had before, she might just be able to slow the enemy down.
As the attacker extended their control over the SOIS network Hazuki followed, watching where their attention was directed. Alice knew what she was talking about: the databases had to be the target. Hazuki made use of that, laying false trails and setting up decoys that would appear to be the main database up until the moment they were accessed. After the first two decoys were found and quickly left behind, Hazuki filled the third with false information, constructing profiles of non-existent agents from photos of celebrities and fictitious mission reports from the most ludicrous of Alice’s bar tales.
The attacker paused there for two and a half extra seconds.
The decoy tactics had been spent. From there, the attacker headed almost directly for the true database. Hazuki threw her last-ditch attempt into the ring, obfuscating the directory pathway by breaking every last rule of data-retrieval good practice in the books. That bought maybe one more second.
The attacker reached the database.
Hazuki’s computer monitor went black. The alarms suddenly stopped. Silence fell across the office. Hazuki held her breath, not knowing what the result had been.
The silence was broken by a tinny voice coming through the earpiece on the table. Hazuki desperately scrabbled it up and clamped it to her ear. “Hello?” Hazuki asked into it. She realised at this point that Alice had never taught her about radio protocol.
Fortunately, it was Alice speaking. “Hazuki? What’s happening? How far did the opposition penetrate? Did they find anything that could compromise us?”
“I have no idea. They’d just reached the database when everything went down…”
“If it went down just now, then it was when I disconnected the rest of the servers.”
Hazuki sighed with relief.
“Hazuki. Give me your professional judgment,” Alice continued, “about how much damage has been done. Could they have extracted any sensitive information?”
Hazuki considered. She was sure that a data-dump of the system’s process history would reveal that the enemy hacker had accessed the main database. She was also sure that it had only been for a couple of milliseconds. After watching the enemy smash through every electronic defence SOIS had, it would be all too easy to ascribe an almost-infinite amount of power and ability to them. But that could only lead to paranoia. No-one human could have understood anything from the database in that miniscule amount of time. Hazuki replied. “They couldn’t. You stopped them just in time.”
“Good.” Alice paused, and the silence crackled through the radio. “There’s a lot of details for the higher-ups to sort out here… and they will want to assign blame. If it comes to a tribunal, I’ll vouch for you. You did more to protect us than anyone in our own department. If it was up to me, you’d get a medal, but… somehow I don’t think they’ll be thinking about that.” Another pause, another crackle. “Wait there. I’ll sort things out as best I can and get back to you.” The earpiece fell silent.
Hazuki slunk back into her seat. So that was it? The bad guys hadn’t broken anything too much, so all was good? No. Hazuki couldn’t just sit there passively.
She leaned back towards the computer. Without the full infrastructure of the SOIS computer system behind her she wouldn’t have a connection quite as versatile as the one she had before: a great shame. But without it she was blind, and even after she has reworked the SOIS network protocol to allow her further access it shouldn’t allow the enemy hackers any more chances to attack the SOIS system.
Besides, she was curious.
Even through the very limited connection she could muster, Hazuki could at least do something. Since she and the computer she was sitting a had been key in the defence of the SOIS network, some details of the attack were stored on the computer’s own memory rather than anywhere else. Hazuki looked up the proxy computers the attackers had used. She wasn’t going to actually hack them, of course: most of them were personal computers of innocent, if annoyingly stupid, people who had managed to allow malware in that turned them into parts of the botnet. But she could follow the signal traffic.
For a few minutes, the traffic statistics were pretty typical, for normal computer-illiterate users. But then the computers were driven into action once again. Their processing power wasn’t being aimed at SOIS this time. Instead, all the internet traffic was being sent to another target. Though that target shouldn’t have had security and encryption in anyway correlated with that of SOIS, the attacker began to break it apart after only a short pause.
For some reason, that address of the new target looked worryingly familiar. Hazuki looked it up its address from the information SOIS had available.
That IP address was labelled only by a single symbol: a bright yellow circle, with three symmetrical protruding wedges.
Hazuki grasped the earpiece, yelling into it in a panic. “Alice! Alice! They’re going–”
– 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 –
5 minutes earlier…
“Alert! Electronic warfare attack in progress! Electronic warfare attack in progress! Turn off all non-necessary computerised equipment until an all-clear announcement is made. Electronic warfare attack in progress!”
“No…” Alice almost couldn’t believe it. No-one had been brave or reckless or stupid enough to try to hack SOIS since computers had been invented. Still, drills had been prepared for this. First step: consult the experts.
‘Experts’ had officially meant the slowpokes down in IT in those drills, but Alice had an actual computer expert on-hand.
“They’ve broken our encryption! Just like we did!” Hazuki announced. She was already busy at work managing the attack, so Alice just asked the one most important question.
“How many of our keys have been broken?”
“All of them.”
With a co-ordinated all-out attack on SOIS like this, there was only one place the attackers could be going: the main database. Almost everything that America had declared officially Top-Secret, as well as everything that had been kept actually top-secret by not officially being declared so, was kept there. Alice explained it.
“We have to unplug everything,” Hazuki replied, “Literally everything. I’d tell you what to prioritise, but if I knew what the most important things were you’d probably have to shoot me. Just… Just rip the cables out of the servers if you have to. It’s the only way.”
Alice leapt towards the door. She stopped only to slide a radio earpiece along the desk to Hazuki, and then she was off.
The server room was three floors down from Alice’s office. Alice vaulted over the railing in the stairwell to drop the first level, but stumbled as she landed. Alice had lied somewhat to Hazuki when she had claimed to have hardly felt anything from the hacking esper device still attached to her head. Really, she had been given a throbbing headache, and it was only getting worse as she went along. If Alice wanted to ensure she reached the server room at all, she’d have to accept taking a longer time and go down the stairs normally.
Later than she would have hoped, and perhaps later than she could afford, Alice arrived at the server room. She stared at the banks of servers that ran all the way along the walls, further than Alice could see through the dimmed lights. These were what the attacker had come to steal from. These were what she had to protect.
Alice couldn’t tell which servers could access the most sensitive blocks of data just by looking at them; through the knotted forest of cables that connected them she could barely tell the different servers apart. It didn’t matter. She had to disconnect everything, and deciding where to start would waste more time than it was worth.
She started pulling out the cables from their sockets, yanking out several at a time, as many as she could grasp at once. It was too slow.
She pulled out her combat knife from her holster and switched to slicing through the wires with its brilliantly sharp edge. It was much faster than just pulling them out. It was still too slow.
Alice took a gamble. There had to be someway of disconnecting everything at once, for precisely this situation. Turning her attention away from the servers right in front of her, she sprinted down the room searching for some sort of master switch.
As Alice ran, her headache grew and grew. With her training, it was easy to force herself to ignore it. Her own personal comfort could come later, after the Office was safe. She continued to run.
Someone less alert would have missed it, or over-shot. The master switch had been buried between the servers, so that you couldn’t even see its alcove from the aisle. But Alice noticed the break in the pattern, skidded to a halt, and dived her hands in.
Alice yanked down the lever.
The lights in the server room went out completely.
The alarm died.
Alice couldn’t rest yet. She was completely in the dark – literally and figuratively – about whether she had been in time… or not. That needed to be rectified. Alice spoke into her earpiece, contacting the one she’d left for Hazuki. “Hazuki. Sit-rep?” Alice asked.
There were a few moments of silence before Hazuki replied. “Alice?”
Of course. Hazuki didn’t know what ‘sit-rep’ meant. “What’s happening? How far did the opposition penetrate? Did they find anything that could compromise us?” Alice asked, more explicitly.
“I have no idea. They’d just reached the database when everything went down…”
“If it went down just now, then it was when I disconnected the rest of the servers.” From Hazuki’s description, it had been close: very close. There was nothing on any of the servers that Alice could see that would indicate whether or not they had been accessed. Of course, they were all entirely dormant. So Alice had to ask. “Hazuki. Give me your professional judgment about how much damage has been done. Could they have extracted any sensitive information?”
Silence. Then, finally, an answer. “They couldn’t. You stopped them just in time.”
Alice slumped back against the rack of servers opposite the master switch. She had the answer she needed; she had succeeded. Now, the aftermath.
She could, at least, focus her entire mind on considering that aftermath. Her headache, which had reached its thumping migraine-like zenith as she’d found the master switch, had begun to quickly subside as she relaxed. That left room to think about the important questions.
Like the most important question of all: how had the enemy hacked SOIS with such insulting ease? Had someone been turned, blackmailed, or persuaded into giving up the encryption keys? Or merely been sloppy, and exposed them by accident? Either way, the result for that person would be the same. They’d told someone they shouldn’t had, and the consequences had been dire, and Alice or whichever of the other fully-trusted agents found them first would have to shoot them.
But what if that hadn’t been the scenario? What if…? What if…? Considering all the various possibilities was starting to bring Alice’s migraine back with a vengeance.
Alice’s radio earpiece crackled, the sound almost painful with how sensitive Alice’s headache had made her. Then Hazuki’s voice yelled desperately from it, adding worry and concern to the purely physical pain. “Alice! Alice!”
“Hazuki,” Alice said, trying her well-honed best to not show any weakness, “What is it?”
Hazuki’s reply chilled Alice to the point where she would show weakness whether she wanted to or not.
“They’re going for the nuclear codes!”
The nuclear codes. The ability, for good or more likely ill, to control and launch America’s entire nuclear arsenal. That was what the enemy was seeking. If they succeeded… everything was over.
“How are the defences holding up?” Alice asked.
“They aren’t!” came Hazuki’s tinny reply, “They’re breaking through the encryption as quickly as they did ours. I hate to say this, but there’s no way they’re doing this without the same ability to factorise primes that we were using.”
‘The same ability to factorise primes’? Alice could recognise something that very definitely wasn’t a coincidence when it was right in front of her. A resurfacing nuisance funded by a single shady source? An encryption system that practically required automatic prime-factorisation to break? A widespread co-ordinated attack on SOIS and then the nuclear infrastructure immediately after? This had been planned.
The hacking esper device must have been compromised. That was the only conclusion.
Alice tried to wrench the device from her head. That failed; it had been clamped on perfectly. She changed tack, returning her combat knife to her hand – she ignored the way her hand tremored with feelings of déjà vu – and raised it towards the side of her head. She prised the device up as far as it would go. With a single motion, she sliced through all the wires that went into her head.
Blinding pain ran into her brain. The device fell away from her, but she could barely see it; she couldn’t hear it at all as it clattered on the floor. It was a miracle that she stayed standing, and conscious.
The pain was worth it, though. Without the device, the enemy’s attack wouldn’t be able to continue.
Alice almost heard something coming through her earpiece. Hazuki? She sounded concerned about… something. Alice couldn’t hear what, and couldn’t pay attention to it, anyway. The headache consumed her mind. It wasn’t the pain from violently removing the device, though that was still there. It was the same headache as before. The very same headache that had formed when she and Hazuki had first tried using Alice’s new-found esper abilities. Through that headache, and from that headache, Alice realised.
It wasn’t the esper device that the enemy had targeted, though that had tried to make it appear that way to anyone who noticed the first layer of their scheme. It was Alice herself. That was their true trap.
Alice couldn’t stop this just by removing some equipment. She raced out of the server room and stumbled in the direction of the medical bay. Now that she had learned what to focus on, she could see the prime numbers flying through her mind: 324143286479 and 803205935663 and 867527277251 and 902450929507 and 599770933939 and 465836618921 and 324330453487 and 999999999899 and 770009701301 and… Alice knew that these numbers were her side’s numbers, but she couldn’t help but factorise them anyway.
She’d never been so violated: not even the year before when she and Clover had been captured and then unceremoniously released because they were no longer needed. How the hell were those bastards doing this to her? Subverting a piece of hardware like the device that she had used was worrying, given that SOIS security should have prevented it, but at least she understood how that could happen.
A phrase rose out of Alice’s recollection, from something she had read in a speculative report. The veracity and trustworthiness of that intelligence had been considered incredibly dubious at the time, but it had been as good as information got about Alice’s greatest and most hated enemy. So when the phrase ‘Mind Hack’ returned to her mind, she gave it more credence this time around.
God, no. Fuck no! Alice wasn’t going to let Brother and Free the Soul and their damn Myrmidons do whatever they liked with her mind. Alice might have fallen into the trap they had set by funding the mafia, and she might have taken until then to unravel it, but it would end right there.
Alice burst into the medical bay. She found the stocks of Soporil Beta quickly. No need to measure out the dose: with Alice’s resistance it would need to be the entire vial or nothing. She slotted it into the injection gun.
The one thing that Brother needed to complete his plan and take control of the country’s nukes was Alice’s esper abilities. The one thing Alice could take from him was her own consciousness. Alice gladly took the injection gun and shot it into her own leg.
Blackness descended over Alice’s sight, but she could taste her victory. It tasted… bittersweet.
– 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 –
25th December, 2029
Hazuki made sure that she was there when Alice was allowed to return to the land of the conscious. She’d learned over the past month that if you were bold enough and unique enough, SOIS employees just accepted that you were supposed to be there. And when looking like the perfect model of a SOIS agent wasn’t enough, the still-technically-fake ID card that Alice had given her was.
Alice still lay on the bed. Thick, many-times wrapped bandages replaced the device in covering her head. Just cutting the device out like that had been utterly ridiculous, and they said that it was a miracle that Alice had survived it. But Hazuki’s friend was tough to the core, so Hazuki hadn’t been entirely surprised when the doctors had told her that not only was Alice still alive but she hadn’t even suffered any brain damage.
Those doctors now crowded around, examining the monitor of her brain activity and the IV line that dripped in more Soporil, second by second. That was just like every other time Hazuki had visited. But this time the anaesthetist began to fiddle with the intake, preparing to reduce the level and gradually wake Alice up. Holding up the value on the IV line, she glanced at Hazuki expectantly.
Hazuki took her position: a computer that had been set up in the medical bay specifically for this moment. This wasn’t anything like the jury-rigged construction Hazuki had used after the main servers had gone down during the attack on that day. This computer had been tailor-made, completely separate from the main SOIS network – which would be deactivated again, in any case, until they knew it was safe – containing an excessive armament of malware to aim at anyone who decided to make it a target, and with its own hard shut-down switch in case it was hacked.
Hazuki returned the anaesthetist’s glance, and nodded.
The IV slowed, dripped, dripped, dripped, and then stopped. Alice began to stir, her eyelids flickering and her breathing growing stronger. The head doctor leaned over, checking her vital signs.
Alice’s eyes snapped open. She reached up and twisted the doctor’s hand away from her, sitting up in one smooth motion. “Where am I?!” she demanded to know. Before she could be given an answer she looked around the room, her head and eyes moving in measured precise jolts. “Not our radiation shelter,” she muttered, “And you don’t look like you’re all cultists. So I guess the world hasn’t ended; thank goodness.”
“It hadn’t ended last time I checked,” Hazuki said, “I can look again, if you want.”
“Hazuki!” Alice gasped, before regaining her composure. She stared at Hazuki’s computer, a slight frown of concern forming. “Is it safe for me to be conscious? Is there any chance of the Myrmidons trying to use my abilities to break encryption again?”
Hazuki checked the monitor of her computer. None of the decoy computers that hackers had used previously had activated, and more importantly there was no suspicious extra traffic at either SOIS or the nuclear codes or anywhere else that SOIS considered sensitive.
“I don’t think so,” Hazuki replied. She paused, appreciated the sceptical look on Alice’s face, then explained, “It must have taken them all year to assemble the botnet and the processing power they needed to attempt this. When we did, we were able to track down all the computers they had infected and get them cleaned out. Plus, when they got desperate and overextended themselves…” Hazuki swivelled the monitor to show Alice a particularly pleasant video she had saved. On screen, Ennea, Nona, Clover and Light escorted a half-dozen handcuffed blonde-haired identical complete monsters into SOIS’ cells. “The Myrmidons had one shot at this. Thanks to you, that one shot failed.”
“Good,” Alice stated. Now more relaxed she looked around the medbay again, this time noticing the lines of tinsel that lined the walls, far enough away from anything that needed to be kept sterile. “So, already Christmas? What present did you get for me?”
“It’s a secret. If I told you, I’d have to shoot you.” Hazuki laughed.
Alice scowled. “So it’s not Brother’s head on a platter? With extra salt, for his wounds? No?” Alice leapt out of her bed. She stumbled slightly, testing muscles that hadn’t been exercised for a month. But then she was standing tall and proud, just as Hazuki had always known her, before striding towards the door. “I guess we’d better get started, then! Come on, Hazuki. Let’s kick some ass.”
Hazuki carefully shut down her computer, then stood up. It had been a long dread-filled month, but she could still smile.
“That’s right, Alice. Let’s kick some ass.”

To: @aoiasahina
From: @deathdesu / @destinydraws
Clover/Alice, working a case….. CASE CLOSED.
~Secret…. AAAAAAAAAGENT SANTAS~

To: @zeiscomplex
From: @gavinnersroadie
“really anything with Quark honestly” for zeiscomplex! Let the boy have a good and happy holiday.
(On one hand, no one would ever gift wrap a root beer float. On the other hand, if any sentient being would ever gift wrap a root beer float, it would be his grandpa, probably after a bit too much scotch, )

To: @oolb
From: @vanitasofficial
Heya! You requested Phi in your prompts list, so here’s a nifty lil sprite I made for her for you! Feel free to use her wherever you want, I hope you enjoy the gift! Have a happy holidays!

Here’s a static version of the gif as a PNG, in case you prefer that.
To: @vanitasofficial
From: @cammieanime
Light wakes up in complete darkness. To be fair, this is totally normal for a blind man- but even someone who can’t see can tell the difference between a typical lack of light and the cloying darkness he seems to have found himself in.
Something is very very wrong, and he can’t remember where he is or why he’s there.
Well that’s just fine and dandy isn’t it? But he can’t just lay here in this oppressive darkness forever.
He says to himself, “Alright Light, time to take stock,” and his voice is rough and his mouth and throat are horribly dry. Typical symptoms of having been drugged, or possibly hungover, but he is hardly one to imbibe, so the latter can be reasonably ruled out.
From the echo of his voice he can tell that he is inside of… Something. His limbs are stiff and tired as he feels around on the inside of the something, lending more credence to his “I was drugged” theory. There’s nothing on the inside of the top of the something, but there is a seam running all the way around the “walls” of the something, so presumably it opens from the top. He feels around a little more and believes he finds hinges. Then he does what anyone trapped inside of a something would do, and that’s shove on every possible surface looking for a way out.
And of course there isn’t.
So, Light Field, you’ve been drugged and trapped in a box. What do you do now?
You wait.
And so he waits.
He falls in and out of consciousness for a while before fully awakening to the sound of voices.
Even his exceptional hearing can’t make out exactly what is being said, muffled through the material of his prison. If he had to hazard a guess, he would say some kind of confrontation was going on, from the raised voices and people interrupting each other.
Then, the slamming of a door.
And silence.
If he had room in this box he would hit himself.
Good job, Light. You let your possibly only chance at escape get away.
Then the voices start up again. Quieter, and noticeably fewer than before, but they’re there.
He slams on the inside of the box as hard as he possibly can. Over and over and over.
As one could expect, the voices come closer. He can make one out as his sister, Clover. The other two are familiar, but…
They start banging and tapping on the box and trying to move the lid as he had, but again, to no avail.
He also begins to hear a soft beeping, and when it stops the lid of the box springs open.
Well then.
He sits up and his body protests. He feels weak and his neck aches, as if he’s just come out of anesthesia, but he’s no longer trapped in a box- coffin, it’s a coffin, from the shape of the lid he can tell it’s an actual, literal coffin, what the hell- so he can definitely say his overall condition has improved.
“Snake!”
“Snake?”
“Brother!”
From the awful nickname, he remembers. The nonary game. They’re on the titanic. And where are his clothes?
He steps out of the coffin with the help of Seven and Junpei, and his sister barrels into him with a surprising amount of force.
He asks the group to fill him in on what happened while he was knocked out in a coffin, and do they have a tale to tell. Soon the ragtag group is on their way to rescue their kidnapped companions, through the inexplicable second nine door.
Truly, the whole situation is still far less than ideal, but…
Why does he have a powerful feeling that it could be much, much worse?
To: @therealhousewivesofhyrule
From: @silvershoelaces
Happy holidays!
Phi didn’t have much before she volunteered to be frozen, but now she had even less. Her foster parents, already elderly when she participated in the simulated Mars mission forty-five years ago, were long gone. And she’d sold all her stuff on eBay when she quit college in anticipation of participating in the Decision Game. The only things she had left were what remained of her bank account, the clothes she was wearing, and the brooch she had had since she was a baby. She didn’t even have knowledge about the outside world, now that it had changed so much, so the street smarts she’d prided herself on for twenty years? May as well have been Star Trek trivia for all the good they’d do her. As much as she valued her independence, it looked like she had no choice but to take Old Man Sigma up on his offer to take her in, at least until she found out whether her bank, which had been all but destroyed during the Radical Six chaos, would be able to recover the funds in her account. Besides, the test results were coming in today.
Phi began to pace back and forth where she was waiting in Warehouse A, uncharacteristically anxious. Everything that had taken place since she had been dragged into this insane series of events at the beginning of the AB Game had already changed her life completely. But this news, knowing if she had a real, blood family, could change it just as much. And the call was supposed to come in any minute now….
“Phido, how ya been?” chuckled an obnoxious, grating voice. “It’s been furever, hasn’t it?”
Lagomorph. Knowing that Sigma and Akane, two people she hadn’t known before, but now cared about and trusted, had conspired to make the thing, did not fill her with any love for it. It was still as obnoxious as ever. Phi spun around to see the main screen lit up with the face of that…creature.
“What do you want?”
“You’ve got a call from Master Kurashiki. I have a hutch you’ll want to take it.”
Admittedly, she did. In fact, that’s what she had been waiting for. Akane was on Earth, or what was left of it anyway, and so Akane was the one who was receiving the results of her genetic test. If she had any family—any whatsoever—she intended to contact them and see if they could help her get back on her feet, make ends meet, learn about her real parents, or whatever. That is, if they cared.
“Yeah, put her through, Zer—I mean, Lagomorph.” It wasn’t surprising that she had messed up the bunny’s name, since it had been nearly a year in her consciousness since she had first heard it, and less than a day in real time. And she’d been used to calling it Zero, too.
Lagomorph chuckled with some sort of psychotic glee and disappeared as Akane’s face showed up on the screen. In front of her was a large box with a return address claiming to be from the International Genetic Database.
“Good day, Phi,” Akane said with a gentle smile. “I hope you are doing well.”
“Yeah, yeah, Akane. No need to be so polite with me,” Phi retorted, knowing full well that Akane was equally polite when they were the same age, and that telling her not to be polite did nothing. She was just like that. “You got the results, right?” Of course, she knew the answer to her question was already on-screen.
“Yes, I did. Would you like me to open them for you, or do you prefer privacy?”
“Whatever, I’m sure you don’t know any of the people I might be related to anyway,” Phi scoffed. “If there even is anybody left, I don’t care if you see it. Hell, if you do know them, maybe you can send ‘em my way.”
“If that is what you wish, I will open it for you now,” Akane said, pulling a letter opener out of somewhere off-camera. It had a rabbit on the handle. How much did this woman like rabbits? What a weirdo. Akane, obviously oblivious to Phi’s thoughts, used the letter opener to slice the tape on the outside of the box.
Inside there was a heavily padded envelope, with a memory card taped to it. The memory card was the same type of card used in the facility, which honestly was surprising to Phi. For whatever reason, she had assumed that all of the technology in Rhizome Nine was specially made for the AB Project. Clearly that assumption was wrong.
Akane leaned over the camera, completely obscuring it as she fiddled with whatever device was in front of her. Presumably, she was inserting the memory card into her computer, but Phi couldn’t tell. When Akane finally sat down, she didn’t look Phi in the eye, instead focusing intently on the information onscreen.
“So how’s it looking?” Phi asked eventually.
Akane let out an audible gasp. Good timing.
“I knew it,” Phi laughed darkly. “I have no living relatives at all, do I?” It was just her luck. No known living relatives in the days before genetic testing could prove that assumption wrong, no living relatives now. She was destined to be alone.
“It says here…your closest living relative is…no, that can’t be true. His younger sister…is this what he meant? April nineteen…”
“What?!”
“The test results say that your closest living relative is…Dr. Klim.”
What the hell?
No, seriously. The old woman must have been more senile than Phi thought.
“What. The. Hell.” Phi was ready to hear that she would never find anybody. But this? This was beyond her expectations. This was insanity.
“There aren’t too many remaining members of the Klim family, but Sigma is, in fact, your closest genetic match. You share 50% of your DNA with him.”
“What. The. Hell.”
“It will likely be easier for you to believe me if I provide you with the documentation, so you may look through it yourself. There is more of interest in there, and I expect you will wish to take the time to peruse the files on your own. I’ll mail them to you, and send the physical items to the printer in the Director’s Office.”
Phi turned on her heels and ran toward the Director’s Office, completely abandoning the conversation without so much as a goodbye. If the old woman was messing with her, she’d get hers. If she was telling the truth, well…Phi was sure she’d accept an apology later.
And in minutes, there it was on the computer screen in front of her. A detailed analysis of all her chromosomes, possibilities of various genetic disorders, her likelihood of immunity to Radical Six, and a list of partial matches in the system for her DNA. Akane was right, too. Sigma’s DNA was a 50% match for her own. But something else caught her eye….
“Phi, what are you doing?” asked a voice behind her. She spun around on her swivel chair. The spitting image of Sigma’s younger self, dressed with the robot suit covering all but his head, was standing before her.
“Hey, Kyle. Glad to see you. While you’re here, help me with this.” Phi gestured with two fingers, beckoning him closer, and he obliged.
“What do you need?”
“I got my results back from the IGD today. Looking for any family I might possibly have. But does this seem right to you?” She pointed toward Sigma’s name on the screen.
“Oh my, that does seem rather peculiar,” Kyle said. “If this is true, then this means that—”
“Sigma is my father,” Phi said, as Kyle continued, “Father is your brother.”
“How did you come to that conclusion, Phi? From what you two have told me, you were originally the same age. Your mind is considerably younger than his at the moment, but chronologically, you are only two years younger than he is. So doesn’t it stand to reason that—”
“Yeah, but check this out. Right here, on the other side of the page.” Phi gestured at another name on the screen, a name that was also a 50% match. Diana.
“Do you know this Diana person?”
“Yeah. I do. But look.” Phi pointed to the screen again. The word deceased was written below the name, in bolded red font, but Phi was more interested in the line in between. “She and I also share 50% of our DNA.“
“Perhaps she is your long-lost sister, then,” Kyle said, his voice louder and slightly higher in pitch. He sounded excited. Phi had never seen Kyle get so emotional before. There went her theory that his mind was secretly more robotic than one of the GAULEMs. “And if you and Father share half your DNA, and this woman also shares that much DNA with you, then Father—”
“—isn’t related to her at all.”
It was strange to watch Kyle’s reaction to the information. He had clearly been excited before, but although it showed in his voice, his facial expression had barely changed. And now, although she could tell he was dejected through the rest of his body language, his face was similarly blank in expression. He really did grow up inside the robot suit, huh? Its face was more expressive than his real one.
“But if Father and this woman are not related, then that means…”
“It means I have to be the missing link between them. Hence, their child.”
Kyle looked at her blankly. Phi could tell that this particular blank stare, unlike his previous gaze, was deliberate.
“It’s not that unrealistic. A few months ago, when we were trapped in the Mars mission test site—actually, that was forty-five years ago, wasn’t it? Not the point. Anyway—at the testing site, there was a machine. Akane told me about it. It’s the machine she and Junpei used to survive, the one she took Clover and Alice to a few days ago. It’s a device that allows people to travel between timelines without SHIFTing. It’s not inconceivable to send someone back, say, twenty or thirty years.”
“But even if we are to believe that such a thing is true, that means—”
“That you’re my younger brother, you dork.”
—————————————————
“—And that’s when I smacked him and told him that his story about a cat cursing him with puns of all things made no sense.”
“Ahahahaha! I always wondered if there was a story was behind his puns, but that story is an absolute farce!”
Kyle and Phi had been sitting on the floor and talking for an hour now, and Kyle was relieved to see that Phi’s tough persona had faded somewhat. Despite his determination to be kind and polite to everyone, he had honestly been quite intimidated by her demeanor. He had never lived in an environment with sarcasm, and consequently had had trouble interpreting the intention of Phi’s frequent snarking. But as she opened up to him, he found himself increasingly able to cope.
“Tell me, Phi. What was Diana like? She was the woman Father loved, wasn’t she?”
“She was beautiful and kind. Kind of a softie if I’m being honest. She was the one who probably wanted to avoid conflict the most. And I was drawn to her when we were living together, because she was warm, and caring, and she made me feel like I wasn’t alone in the world anymore. And that’s why it hurt so much when she betrayed us.”
Unexpectedly, tears started to slide down Phi’s cheeks, and her voice cracked on the word “betrayed”.
“I don’t understand,” Kyle said hesitantly, staring at the tears. “If she was so kind, why would she—”
“I don’t know!” Phi exclaimed. “I don’t know what would possess her to throw the future of the world away and drag me out of that shelter when she knew my living would mean the spread of Radical Six. And I can’t even ask her because she’s de—”
“It’s because she loved you very much,” Sigma said.
Kyle and Phi looked up. Kyle’s father—no, their father—was standing in the doorway, a nostalgic look in his eyes. He stepped into the room.
“Of course, she loved everyone she spent time with at the Mars mission test site, but our team in particular was very dear to her. She kept telling me about it while we were working together here on the moon.”
“Telling you about herself and Phi, you mean?”
“Yes, and all the other members of the Decision Game too. After we lived together, she said, she felt like we were a family. All nine of us. And I couldn’t fathom just what had gone on in there—I had just finished the AB games when I was whisked away to the past again, when my arms and eye were freshly…removed…and here was this woman who knew me, who knew Phi, and kept talking about this Carlos and Mira and Junpei, and I had no idea who any of these people were or why she knew them. The stories were overwhelming at first. But it did seem as if she and Phi had some sort of important connection. And when I met them again, decades later, Diana and Phi did seem to grow very close, very quickly. Is this about Diana?”
“Yeah, I think she’s my mom,” Phi said flatly. Considering the circumstances, Kyle would have expected her to put more emphasis on the information, but with Phi being Phi, that expectation was…overly ambitious. Of course, his father’s response was more emotional.
“Excuse me?!”
“Calm down, old man. The test results are right here.” Phi got up and sauntered over to the computer to log in again, and Sigma briskly walked across the room to try to slow her down. Between his age and her determination, not to mention the fact that Kyle was still sitting on the floor between them, he was no match for her. She sat down and started typing. Sigma stepped around Kyle.
“Can you at least explain what you’re talking about?” Sigma sighed. “Or is that too much to ask?”
“No, dad,” Phi groaned. “I know you too well. You won’t believe me until I show you the files.”
“Don’t dismiss me that readil—‘dad?”
Kyle couldn’t help but let out a snicker as he stood up. “Yes, dad, you need to look at the files.”
Sigma released an exasperated groan. “Kyle, what sort of nonsense has Phi put into your head? You don’t have to go along with whatever she says.” The thought of Phi conspiring with him for the sole purpose of bothering his father was even funnier to Kyle than her blatantly having addressed him as “dad”, and he laughed harder. Phi, to his surprise, started laughing with him.
“I’m not kitten about this,” Phi smirked, invoking the cat pun for absolutely no reason at all. “If you think I’m lion, then you should check this out.” Phi pointed at the screen again, at Diana’s entry in the “deceased” dataset. Sure enough, the entry read that roughly 50% of her DNA was a match for Phi’s.
“Now, unless you two are distant cousins, the fact that I also share this DNA with you”—she traced her finger across the screen toward Sigma’s entry—"means that somehow, you two got it on and I was the result. Kind of like an antimatter bomb, really.”
Kyle didn’t understand what she was referring to with regards to the antimatter bomb, but it was true that Phi had a rather explosive personality. And shockingly, Sigma was not reacting to Phi’s teasing with anger. Perhaps Kyle could do the same?
“This situation, it turns out, is purrfect for Phi. She no longer has to go back to Earth and claw her way into success. Is it not pawsible for her to stay here, with us?”
The icy glare Kyle received from Phi indicated that he had perhaps gone too far in his puns, but Sigma began to laugh. “Is that how you two see me? As an old man who won’t stop making dad jokes? Maybe you two are sort of similar after all.” He shook his head. “It’s not impossible, but I don’t think so. If you two want to prank me, try to convince me of something more outrageous.”
Sigma turned around and began to exit the room.
“But if you really mean it,” he said, waving his hand over his head in a dismissive goodbye without turning around, “forward that mail to my box and I’ll take a look. Have fun.”
Sigma left.
“Well, that was fun,” Phi said as soon as he was out of earshot. “And if it turns out this is real, I think I’m going to have a hell of a good time teasing him.
“So you aren’t sure, Phi?” Kyle asked.
“Well, it seems pretty reasonable. Better than anything else I can come up with, anyway. And as much as I don’t think I’m anything like that dork, having a dorky dad is better than not having one at all.”
Kyle attempted to smile, but his face must not have been doing what he intended for it to do, because Phi recoiled slightly at his expression. He stopped trying. “I am glad to finally have a sibling if nothing else. Living every day of my life surrounded by GAULEMs and no living creatures was not torturous, but it was also far from the pleasant family life I envisioned as a child.”
“I can’t guarantee I’ll be a good older sister,” Phi said, “but I can be sure to tease you now and then.”
“I can ask for no greater pleasure,” Kyle replied. “I knew we had a connection.”

To: @larvaloverlord
From: @kiichu
Happy Holidays! Poor Aoi fell down in the snow, but at least he has some cute friends to keep him company~ I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
To: @merouses
From: @aleena-san
Alee here with my Secret Santa for merouses!
prompt 1 – luna tending to plants
The air was ripe with the sweet scent of flourishing flowers. Luna could taste the honey of their petals upon her tongue as she swept in a small breath of hot summer air, a breath that delightfully seared at her lungs with heated relish, and promised even warmer days to come. She couldn’t resist the small smile tugging up at her lips at the thought. Sunnier soaked days like this meant even more time in the company of her most favorite friends in the whole wide world!
…That being the flowers. Laugh all you want, but Luna could almost hear their soft chatter carried upon the soulful whisper of a breeze. A cheerful hum sprung to life within her throat, as idle hands began their busy work scuffling through dirt and tending to wrinkles written within the leaves. It had become a routine of hers, one might say; indeed, it wasn’t rare to see the young girl of ringlet locks and gentle blue eyes surrounded in a wreathe of her precious dahlias and daisies. Her fingers worked like magic on soil that was once rough with age. Now, the dirt thrived with life, and the sturdy stems of her friends grew thick and healthy.
“Oh, Scarlet, you look happy today.” Luna’s smile grew even broader as her hands came to gently caress the petals of a blood-soaked rose. This beauty towered above the rest with pure royalty intertwined into its very aura. “Let me guess. Good sleep?” Though it could not utter a reply in return, Luna liked to think that it was nodding its head in gentle affirmation under the sway of the wind. “That’s good. Here! You must be thirsty on such a hot day.”
The watering can breathed life into soil turned crisp by the sun. Already her flowers seemed to perk, their roots digging deeper into what Luna must’ve imagined as now very comfortable moist earth. She didn’t notice the shadow blotting out blue sky until a familiar voice jolted Luna from her reverie.
“Um…Ms. Luna, what are you doing?”
“Quark!”
His head just came to level above her shoulder. Wide, curious eyes reflected the objects of her handiwork. “Gardening…?” Luna couldn’t help flushing with embarrassment at the note of ire held within his voice. Quickly, he glanced shyly away. “I didn’t know you liked tending to these gardens too, Ms. Luna. I mean – not that I come here often or anything.” As if to accentuate that fact, he puffed out his cheeks and blew a whistle of air through tightly pursed lips.
“Oh! You like flowers, too?”
Quark’s cheeks flushed scarlet. “I mean…when I’m bored…or there’s nothing else to do. But if you’re here that’s okay. I’ll go play somewhere else.”
A small part of Luna was almost glad that he might leave. Perhaps the only selfish bone in her body was reserved for this garden – her secret place as one might say – and to share it with anyone else might just dampen the magic in the air. Though perhaps that was merely her anxiety speaking on her behalf. Sometimes, silence was comforting, but it wasn’t always welcome.
Maybe sharing her garden with Quark would fill the air with even more magic then before.
It was sheer instinct that had Luna grasping onto Quark’s hand, just as he was about to trudge on his way.
“No. Don’t go.” She smiled and gestured to a small shovel near her feet. “To be honest it gets a little lonely, out here all by myself. The flowers are nice, but they aren’t exactly the best talkers. So…would you care to join me?”
Quark paused. Luna barely even acknowledged his tiny nod until he plopped himself down by her side. His hands sought out the tiny shovel, and with the vigor of a playful child, he began burrowing a new hole for one of the many plotted plants she had yet to set.
Sun soaked the earth in pools of molten gold; birds screeched as they soared above thermals on wide open air; and friendship filled the wind with the scent of roses and dandelions, a scent that Luna would be sure to treasure for the remainder of her lifetime.
prompt 2 – lotus playing video games
“Ha! This’ll be a piece of cake!”
Clover’s beaming proudly from her perch on the couch. She’s looking adorable as ever, with arms tucked neatly against her chest and one leg swung across the other in an almost royal pose. “Hate to break it to ya, Lotus, but I’m the Queen of this game! Are you prepared for the bitter taste of defeat?”
Lotus is not at all impressed. With a huff of air, she flops down next to Clover and snatches up a spare controller. “Sure. So let’s make this quick, alright?” It’s no secret to the gathering crowd that Lotus hasn’t even touched a gamepad in her life before this very moment. Raising two kids and holding down an array of part time jobs didn’t exactly leave much time for childish activities like this. At Junpei’s urging, however, she finds herself forced into a challenge she really cares little about.
Clover plucks up her own controller and leans forward, eyes glinting with the fires of determination. Mortal Kombat’s screen flashes upon the television set, its foreboding music reverberating throughout the room in the looming promise of war. “Ready?” Junpei asks. Sweat clings to his forehead as if he can taste the competitive spirit hanging in the air.
“Ready as I’ll ever be!” Clover chirps.
“Sure, whatever.”
“On your marks…get set…Go!”
The war is on.
First, choose a character. Clover predictably goes for a woman dressed in flashy pink. Lotus doesn’t really care which one she has – they’re all just a bunch of ones and zeroes dressed to look pretty, after all – but, she finds herself drawn to Kitana, with her deadly aura and bladed fans. The game began mere seconds after.
“H-Huh?”
Clover lurches back. Not even three seconds have passed and already the first round has come to its end, ending with none other than her character avatar knocked out upon a cold metal floor. Her cheeks flush scarlet. “Hey! You’re cheating! That’s no fair!”
“Cheating? I just pressed a few buttons and boom. You’re dead.”
Clover turns to Junpei for help. “You’re gonna let that pass?”
“Sorry…but Lotus didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. It’s fair game so far.”
FINISH HER
Clover can scarcely believe her ears. She whips back around to the screen, only to see a bored looking Lotus punching buttons in any random order, which inevitably leads to her character’s gruesome execution. A booming voice proudly accompanies the red text that flashes over the murder.
FATALITY
“Uhh…Lotus wins…I guess?”
Everyone present awkwardly claps.
Laughter pours from Lotus’ lips. It’s almost as surprising as the fact that she beat Clover in less than ten seconds at a game she knew nothing about. She leans back into the couch, a mischievous smirk painted upon her lips. “Hey, that was actually pretty fun! Wanna do it again?”
Devil-woman. The terrified thought echoes through all the minds of the Nonary Game survivors. “I think I’m good,” Clover begins.
“Me too…” says Akane.
Needless to say, Lotus was never allowed to touch a controller again.
prompt 3 – snake tries to learn another instrument
Light wasn’t very familiar with the strings of a guitar.
He couldn’t exactly say he was fond with the way they tore at the soft pads of his fingers, or how the clunky instrument seated lamely above his leg. It felt less than graceful to hold, and sounded even worse to his ears, especially since he had naught a clue on how to tune the beast. Beside him, he could hear Clover’s breath taut with anticipation.
“You’re gonna do just fine!” his sister chirped. “It’s not hard at all, I swear!”
“I don’t know…” The sigh that left his lips was more sombre than usual. “I cannot say this feels the same as a piano. Nor does it have the feathery weight of a violin.”
“Well duh. Of course it doesn’t. It’s something so much cooler!”
He frowned. “Cool…er?” The word tasted foreign upon his tongue.
Clover gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “Jeez, you’re such a grandpa. Just give it a try.”
“Hmm…”
His fingers brushed polished wood and came to tug at the individual strings and nobs of his new toy. No matter how much he plucked, or twisted and turned in a futile attempt at tuning, nothing seemed to work. Frustration curdled in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t used to being genuinely bad at something, let alone unable to overcome said ‘badness.’ Badness. Great. The guitar was turning his brain into mush if that was the only word he could think of!
Clover, however, would beg to differ. She hummed off tune in sync with his awkward fumbling and poor strumming of its strings. “You’re enjoying this?” he inquired, brow furrowing to rest close against his eyes.
“’Course! I’ve always wanted to hear you play guitar.”
He smiled. “And why is that?”
“No reason. I just think you’d do well in a band!”
A band! What a ludicrous thought! Despite that, he couldn’t help laughing in good cheer. “Sorry to disappoint you, Clover, but I don’t think the guitar is for me.” He could feel the weight of the air plummet under her predictable pout. “But…I suppose I won’t mind if it’s just you and me. Provided my talent with this awful thing never leaves this room.”
And the air was light again, surely because of Clover’s broad smile. “Awesome! Does that mean I can play your piano, too?”
“I don’t see why not. Perhaps you will have more luck.”
She didn’t. But the sound of random key smashing and off-tuned guitar strumming echoed throughout the Field residence for many days to come, and it was a sound that – while awful for the neighbors – meant the entire world and more to two very tight-knit siblings.