To: @sirchenchen

From: @theisraelproject107

This one’s for @sirchenchen! I haven’t done anything for this fandom before, so I hope I did all right. Merry Christmas! ^^

“It sure was nice of Ace to invite us over for Christmas Eve dinner.” Seven’s gruff baritone puffed through the cold night air, from behind the safety of a thick, if thoroughly ugly, muffler.

“I’m sure it saved you a night of loneliness,” Lotus archly replied, striding past him as they approached the limestone stairs to Ace’s manor, “but some of us have families to get back to. This had better not take long.”

“Hey!”

Seven and Lotus entered the warmth of the manor, bickering away in their usual manner. Junpei heard only the tail-end of it as he arrived, shoes crunching along the snow-strewn driveway. Alongside him were Snake and Clover, whom he had given a ride to, each of them clutching small packages. Ace’s idea had been to have a Secret Santa at his place the night before Christmas, an idea which the group had latched onto with some enthusiasm. For Junpei, his eagerness came from a secret wish that his Santa was Akane – she’d been asking careful questions lately, the sort that made him think she was fishing for ideas for gifts. His chest warmed at the thought – then lurched at the sight of her, approaching the manor from the opposite end of the circular driveway, Santa beside her swinging a set of car keys around one finger.

“Santa! Akane…” Junpei smiled broadly, mostly hidden by his scarf, but enough of it visible to make Akane’s face brighten, and her brother’s take on a scowl.

“Merry Christmas, Jumpy,” she greeted, hooking her hands together and rocking onto her toes as they halted at the foot of the stairs.

“Hey! Where’s your presents?” Clover demanded. Santa swung around a sagging potato sack.

“Untwist your panties. They’re right here, Ace wanted me to bring something for everyone to put their gifts into.”

“Oh! In that case –” Clover stepped forward and grabbed the edge of the sack, yanking it open and plopping her gift inside. “I don’t need this anymore. Whoever got me better have got me something good.” She sent Santa a pointed glare, as if it was his duty to ensure she wasn’t disappointed.

“Oh, sure, I bet it’s a gold-plated unicorn on the thirty dollar budget Ace set,” Santa sniped, pulling the sack away.

Smiling, Snake offered his own parcel outward. “Would you mind if I handed mine over now, also? I’d like who gives it to be a surprise to the person I bought it for, and it’s wrapped rather distinctly.”

Santa let out a low whistle at the sight of Snake’s gift, a long, slender box wrapped crisply, with nary a wrinkle or errant fold, completed by an expertly tied ribbon. Clover’s gift, by comparison, had been a lumpy, hasty-looking mess. “Sure thing. Drop it in.”

“Thank you.” Snake deposited his gift in the sack and followed Clover up the stairs. Junpei darted a quick look at Akane, whose pretty eyes met his for the barest second before Santa barged between them, grabbing her sleeve and tugging her after him.

“Stay out here and your balls’ll freeze off, Jumpy,” he called back, Junpei hurriedly following them up into Ace’s elegant home.

Dinner was a lively affair, filled with loud voices, arguments, theoretical discussions, and Akane’s earnest outpourings on the secrets of the Titanic. When it was finally time for handing out the gifts, Santa first went around collecting them from each person, before they all retreated to Ace’s smoking room, a beautifully decorated room filled with a variety of comfortable chairs.

“Uh, Ace, you haven’t put your present in,” Santa reminded him as they each found a seat and waited eagerly for the festivities to start.

With a laugh in his voice, Ace answered, “Well, I thought perhaps I could bend the rules just a touch and be the first to give my gift – to you, in fact.”

Arching a brow, Santa took the large, soft package that Ace offered him, setting down the sack and seating himself on the arm of Akane’s chair, tearing the paper apart as the others leaned forwards curiously. At the sight of the ‘gift’ within, a titter passed through their ranks. Expression dry enough to wither the Nile, Santa held up… a Santa Claus costume.

“Seriously? Ace – seriously?”

Chuckling, Ace apologised, “I’m sorry, it was awful of me, I know – you can take a bottle from my cabinet in exchange for wearing it to hand out the gifts, how about that?”

Santa turned to the cabinet in question, peering through the glass. “…I want the Glengarry,” he said, to which Ace merely inclined his head.

“That’s only fair.”

A fraction annoyed – looking as if he’d been sure Ace would object to his expensive whisky being taken – Santa nevertheless recognised when he was beaten. He flapped out the baggy red clothing and tugged each item on, until a skinny, sour-faced Santa Claus stood in their midst, complete with an elasticised white beard. The group cheered, Santa flipped them off in one sweeping motion, then with a sigh heaved up the sack of presents and reached in.

Fishing out the first one, he read the tag attached and turned to Seven. “Here. This is for you.”

Seven’s face lit up at the sight – it was Snake’s gorgeously wrapped gift, which couldn’t help but excite the senses and make one wonder at the treasure within. With surprising care, the large man unwrapped it, as if not wanting to ruin the attractive wrapping. Once the box was free, he quickly opened it up… and lifted out a tie. It was a nice tie, to be sure, but it was… a tie. And Seven was in dungarees.

“Uh…”

Beaming, Snake announced, “My gift to you, Seven. I understand that style may not perhaps be your first concern, but it’s never too late to learn. I felt this was my opportunity to give you a head start.”

“Yeah – thanks, kid.” Seven looked it up and down. “It’s the best tie I ever owned.” For a lack of anything better to do, he draped it around his neck, while Snake looked extremely pleased with himself over by Clover on the settee.

“Okay, next up is – Clover.” Santa developed a sly grin, giving Junpei the slightest of bad feelings as he handed the girl her gift. She cooed with happiness at the large box and tore it open without hesitation, having none of the care that Seven had demonstrated. There was a brief silence as she peered into its depths, and then –

“A stress ball?”

“Yeah, well – you’re always so highly-strung,” Santa smugly explained. “I thought you could do with a stress ball.”

“Why is the box so big!?” she screeched.

“To fuck with you? Obviously?”

Santa’s self-satisfaction was too much for the hot-headed girl to bear. She leapt to her feet, wound up, and hurled the small, squishy ball at Santa. “I hope it gets lodged in your oesophagus! What a shitty gift!”

“Now, now… there, there…” Snake half-heartedly attempted to calm his sister as she spent a few frantic minutes chasing Santa around the room. It was until the ball ended up flung into the fireplace that the excitement died back down, and Santa was able to continue.

His breathing a little more laboured than it had been before, he yanked out the next gift, before turning to Junpei. “It’s for you. From Little Miss Even-Tempered over there.”

“So help me, Santa, I will fish that ball out of the fire and stick its flaming ashes down your throat,” was the growled response from Clover, before she, rather alarmingly, turned to Junpei with the sweetest possible smile in existence. “Now, open your present, Junpei.”

He felt a flash of nervousness. Why was Clover so – focused on him right now? If he didn’t respond the right way to her gift, was he going to get chased next? Darting the fire an uneasy glance, Junpei opened the admittedly small package. As the paper fell away, there was a moment’s silence, followed by Lotus crowing and slapping her thighs.

“Nice one, Clover!”

Junpei gaped down at a packet of condoms. Extra-ribbed – for her pleasure!

“Technically, it’s for you and June,” Clover loudly explained, to which Junpei and Akane steadily turned an identical shade of pink, while Santa growled and snatched the box away. A second later, it joined the stress ball in the fire.

“Hey!” Clover protested.

“Next!” Santa snapped, and wrenched out Junpei’s gift. “Ace, this one’s for you.” He was just… it was like he was pretending Clover’s gift had never happened. Thank God.

Taking it with a pleased expression – doubtless glad, after Santa and Clover, that he hadn’t been on the receiving end of one of their gifts – Ace began saying, “Thank you, Junpei, I’m sure anything you got me is…” The paper removed, he stared down at the box with a strange look. “It’s…?”

“It’s Guess Who!” Junpei proudly announced. “Santa told me it was your favourite game, so I tracked down a copy. I never knew you were so into games, Ace!”

With a broad smile that was just the slightest bit stiff at the corners, Ace replied, “Yes, well – thank you, very kind of you, Junpei. And thank you, Santa, for telling him.” He darted Santa a sharp glance, the young man back to looking smug again.

“Well, when I was out last week and saw you shopping for Santa suits… I felt the Christmas spirit descend over me, and had to give Junpei a helping hand.”

“Indeed.” It sounded almost as if Ace was talking through his teeth now – but before anyone could really notice, Santa was reaching back into the sack.

“Okay, Snake, it’s your turn. This is from June.” He handed Snake a slender package, very similar in shape to the one Snake had given Seven. Junpei had already guessed at its contents before Snake had finished unwrapping it. Drawing out a tie, Snake went from chuckling at their similar ideas, to – slowly losing expression. His fingers slid over the fabric, a slight look of alarm beginning to dawn on his face.

“It’s a Christmas tie!” Akane delightedly told him. “I know you can’t see it, but it’s got little reindeers and snowflakes, and it’s just the cutest! I couldn’t walk past it without thinking of you.”

“Th-thank you, June. That’s so kind.” Snake’s voice had developed a wooden quality, which Akane didn’t seem to notice, her beaming face lighting up the room.

Rolling his eyes a little, Santa pulled out the next gift, the sack almost empty now. “Lotus. You’re up.”

Lotus took the present with some suspicion, well aware of who her Santa was now that they were onto the final two. “Seven, if you bought me something crappy like the others got, I swear to God…” She opened up the small package, and was briefly, pleasantly surprised. “Moisturiser? Ooh, and this is a good brand, too…” She drew it out and turned it around to look at the label. Her face froze, then gradually darkened. “You got me… anti-aging cream?”

“Yeah, well –” Before Seven could continue, Lotus scooped out a handful of the stuff and flung it at his face.

“You’re the old one!”

“Wh-what the hell? I paid good money for that, you hag!”

“Hag!?”

As one, the group promptly blocked them out, Santa bringing out the final present and handing it to Akane.

“Merry Christmas. I hope it’s something normal.”

“Lotus has such lovely taste,” Akane said, with a smile. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s as stylish as she is.”

Lotus, upon hearing this, shoved Seven away and came over to sit beside Junpei, breathing hard with a glob of moisturiser in her hair. “Go on, sweetie,” she urged. “I can’t wait to see what it looks like on you.”

“Oh, is it clothes?” Akane unwrapped it curiously… then paused, her hands hanging above the package. The same blush from Clover’s gift of condoms came rushing back, only this time about a thousand times redder. “U-um…”

“Hold it up! Give everyone a good look!” Lotus urged her.

With trembling fingers, Akane held up – lingerie. Bright red, lacy lingerie.

“My gift is kinda like Clover’s,” Lotus winked. “For you and Junpei.” Junpei could have died on the spot. Akane looked like she wanted to. Holding up a finger at Santa, Lotus added, “And if you think you can throw that in the fire and live to tell about it, I have two words for you, Santa.” She turned to face him dead-on, utterly serious as she told him, “Try me.”

Santa twitched, but was smart enough to at least wait until after the party to confiscate and destroy Akane’s gift. In the meantime, he glowered at Junpei like it was his idea. Between his present and June’s, Junpei just could not catch a break. At this rate, Santa was going to brutally murder him before the night was out.

Sensing the tension, and perhaps his mistake in having ever suggested this, Ace stepped in, clapped his hands, and said, “Well, that’s that, then… I guess. How about we all go and, uh –”

“Get blackout drunk?” Santa bluntly supplied.

“Blackout drunk sounds good,” Lotus agreed.

“Uh-huh,” Clover nodded.

“Please,” Snake weakly contributed, still running his fingers over his new tie, as if unable to believe what he was holding.

“…Let’s.” Ace opened the liquor cabinet, handed Santa his Glengarry, and began pulling out half-used bottles for the group to attack at will.

After that, things got a little wild for a while. Junpei slipped away for some fresh air, standing out on the porch in the cold, Akane quietly following after him. They stood in silence for a few minutes, neither one entirely sure what to say after their rather disastrous gifts.

Then, hesitantly, Akane said, “Um, Jumpy…?”

True to his name, Junpei jumped a little. “Yeah?”

Shyly, she reached into her coat and pulled out a small box. “I actually… got you something else. Something I didn’t want to give you in front of the others.”

His heart beating faster, Junpei blinked down at the little, neatly-wrapped box. He took it gingerly, with gloves hands, and opened it up. What he saw brought a slow, broad smile to his face, wider even than the one he’d worn when he’d first laid eyes on Akane at the start of the evening.

“This is… perfect,” he murmured, Akane blushing faintly.

Then, in the chilly night, with the distant sounds of raucous voices arguing from within the house, Junpei held up the small sprig of mistletoe, and they sweetly kissed, Akane giggling softly against his lips.