To: @hellaorion
From: @guessworks-art
Gift for hellaorion!
Author: zecretsanta
Archive for ZEcret Santa on tumblr.
On Record
To: @electric016
From: @zerotimedilemmaofficial
Merry Christmas electric016! ❤
On Record
“BOY TOY?” The sound of Junpei’s scream shook the walls.
Akane waltzed into her office, grinning. “It could be worse. You could be Head of Boyfriend Resources.”
Aoi followed her and leaned against the doorway. “How about Ambassador of Bad Jokes?”
“Or Meme Supreme.”
“Leading Fashion Disaster?”
Junpei buried his face in his hands. He had only wanted to know what they had been paying him so much for. Junpei had been officially working for Crash Keys for a few months now, and had insisted from the first paycheck that his salary was too high. Dating both Kurashikis was complicated enough, he didn’t need their money too. So Junpei decided to break, no, go into Akane’s office while she was in a meeting and find out his official title.
“I’ve got it! Marty McFly Impersonator in Chief!”
“That was like two years ago! My style has improved since then.” Junpei balked, crossing his arms. Clearly, his plan had backfired. “Weren’t you supposed to be in a meeting right now?”
Akane giggled. “It ended early. Sigma said it was an emergency, something to do with Gab getting stuck on the counter again.”
Aoi couldn’t help but laugh too. “It’s not exactly what I’d call an emergency, but I’m not complaining. It gave us the chance to have impeccable comedic timing.”
“Gab got up there again?” Hearing about the old dog made Junpei relax a bit. “I still don’t know how a dog so small can climb onto counters without Sigma noticing.”
“I don’t think he does much climbing…” Akane murmured, tapping her fingers on her chin. Both boys looked at her, confused. “Last month when we visited them, Diana told me ‘He likes to be tall.’ Sigma probably isn’t aware of that though.”
Junpei smiled. Seeing the two people he loves in such a good mood wiped away his previous irritation. He’d been through hell and back to get to where he is now, and he’d be damned if he let a moment like this slip away. Rising from Akane’s desk, Junpei said, “Hey, it’s lunchtime, why don’t we go out and get something to eat?”
“You know we all have too much work to do to take a break,” Aoi grumbled.
“So the Chief Edginess Officer of Crash Keys can’t make his own decisions own how to manage his time?” Junpei retorted.
Aoi stiffened and turned away from Junpei. Between laughs, Akane giggled, “Oh, how the tables have turned. What am I, hottest boss?”
Grinning, Junpei replied, “I don’t know, your title is off in some other timeline. But if I had to guess, I’d say you’re President of Cryptic and Oddly Specific Information.”
“Aww, thanks Jumpy!” Akane said, planting a kiss on Junpei’s cheek.
Aoi rolled his eyes. “Of course she takes that as a compliment,” Aoi mutters, poorly concealing a smile.
“There’ll be more where that came from,” Junpei replied, “if you go out to lunch with me.”
Akane clasped his hand. “With an offer like that, how could I refuse?” They both turned to look at Aoi. He sighed.
Resigned, Aoi said, “With the two of you looking at me like that, do I really have a choice?” Junpei grinned and used his free hand to grab Aoi’s, and they headed out together.
Akane smiled to herself. Junpei was going to love his new nameplate.
To: @9lastdilemmas
From: @midlangley
“Akane’s perspective during the submarine ending”
My secret santa for @9lastdilemmas ! I hope this is not too bad.. Merry Christmas!
If Phi went back for Sigma…
To: @therosecrest
From: @9lastdilemmas
When Phi got to the B garden, she called out to Sigma, in the dark, as she had in all of the other rooms in the facility.
There was no answer.
She called out again, but louder. He had to be somewhere.
To her surprise and relief, she finally received a response.
“Phi?”
Following Sigma’s voice, in the dark, she cautiously navigated into the garden. She sensed him sitting down on a bench and felt for his shoulder.
“S-Sigma?”
“Are you real?”
Phi noticed Sigma’s voice sounded strange. Kind of husky, like he’d recently cried.
“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I came back for you. And…”
And Luna. Phi wanted to say it but Luna was a robot. Non-Human, plain as that. Phi’s main priority was Sigma. Sure, to Phi’s surprise, Luna picked ally, but she had to have killed the old woman, Alice, everyone. Except for them two and Quark. Phi had to come back. She couldn’t just leave Sigma in this horrible place. Especially when the number nine door had actually opened again.
“Hey…Sigma? Where’s Luna? Did you find her?”
“She’s…in my lap.”
What?
Phi squinted and could see a faint metallic shimmer next to Sigma. She reached out and touched it. It felt cold and solid.
Recoiling, she suddenly she realized…Luna was a robot, and this was her. Her parts at least.
“Sigma! What happened? Why are the lights out? What’s going on?”
Sigma didn’t answer.
“…Sigma?”
In a quiet voice he answered, “She died…she was turned off… and she just …broke…apart.”
Turned off? Phi thought.
“What happened?”
“We talked about…everything… about how everyone died. Our shifting abilities…”
Although she couldn’t see him, Phi could hear it in his voice that he wanted to cry again.
She was worried. Sigma didn’t sound like his regular self. He sounded a little…dead. He sounded like an actual old man. Or like a little kid. His weird, energetic, and ever-loving cat puns self just…washed away. Like all of the energy was drained out of him. He seemed fragile and scared and sad.
It didn’t help that all Phi wanted to do was drag Sigma through the number nine door, along with quark, and get as far away as possible.
But no. Sigma needed help. Luna had just… died, or whatever it is robots do when they are no longer in service, seemingly in his arms, and the poor guy couldn’t handle it. Sure, Luna was a robot, but Sigma cared about her and trusted her…
And she’s gone too.
Phi sighed in defeat and knelt down in front of Sigma keeping one hand on Sigma and resting the other on…Luna.
“Sigma…was she a good person?”
After a long pause, sigma’s snuffles ceased.
“…Yeah…she was good. She chose ally for a reason.”
“…I’m sure she did.”
“You were wrong Phi, she didn’t kill anybody. She- She just wanted a hug. And- And then she just died”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry Sigma. I really thought she killed them.”
I still do, But Phi couldn’t say that. The faster Sigma calmed down, the faster they could get out of there. And it wasn’t like Sigma was wrong, it’s just that a longer explanation was needed to know exactly how Sigma could justify Luna’s innocence, but he didn’t seem to be in the right mind. Phi felt like she was losing her mind too, everything happened so fast and she was still wrapping her head around the fact that Luna was right there, but, at the same time, not there. She couldn’t deny feeling guilt over painting Luna as the bad guy but it wasn’t as if she could turn back this history, present or whatever, and do things differently.
“I don’t get it. What did we do wrong? Why is everyone dead? Why- why did this all happen? Who’s Zero?!”
Suddenly Sigma stared crying, full-fledged sobbing, and all Phi could do was wait it out and prevent herself from tearing up too.
The only way Phi could think of to fix this was to just tell things as they were. She wasn’t the best at being reassuring but she was going to give it all she had. For Sigma.
“…I’m sorry Sigma, I don’t have the answers. Maybe Zero does. And I’m sure in… in another history, in some other time. Somewhere, we’ll get them. I promise you that. This can’t be the end. This is not the end for us, for Quark. We’re alive…and I think… I think Luna, and everyone, would want us to go on. It’s…our virtue’s last reward. We did what we thought was right in the AB game and this is what we get whether we like it or not. I’m sorry, but please, Sigma, don’t let them have died for nothing. Please…Please come with us. I don’t want to leave you here alone, and… I don’t want to take care of Quark alone either. I – Please come with me? Please, Sigma?”
Although for breathing a bit heavily, Sigma seemed to have calmed down through her little speech, but now Phi was the one getting all teary eyed.
“Oh Phi…”
Phi smiled, still crying, but at least Sigma seemed a little better.
Now, here was the diverging path. Sigma could either refuse to come with her, and Phi having no idea how else she could convince him to come, or he could chose to come, making phi very happy in the process. But, unfortunately, say goodbye to Luna.
“Alright…I’ll go with you. Where’s Quark?”
Thank goodness, Phi breathed a sigh of relief.
“I left him back at the number nine door.”
“Is he awake? How did you even get back in?”
“No, He’s still asleep. It’s crazy but the number nine door actually opened up again, and… it just sort of stayed that way.
“What? Really?” Sigma asked.
“Yeah, right? Crazy…I donno, I’m guessing it has to do with the fact that the power’s off. Although I don’t think the power to the lift is off. The lights are even on in there. I stayed with Quark in the room that’s connected to the lift, past a second number nine door, for a little while longer…after you ran off. The lights are on in there too. You’ll see. Then out of nowhere the second door opened again, the lift was going down again, so I took it. To get you. And well, here we are.”
Phi stood up, letting go of Sigma, and the remains of Luna.
“Oh…wow. Okay. Huh…”
They stood there, in the dark for a moment, collecting themselves.
“Hey, Sigma? Do you know what caused this blackout?“
"It was probably the damn rabbit. I’ll…tell you later"
Alrighty, time to change the subject.
“So, shall we go?”
“Uh…yeah could you just-help me? I- I just want to leave Luna on the bench”
“Oh sure, of course.”
After propping her off Sigma, they laid Luna down horizontally on the bench. Or more like Luna’s metallic skeleton. Touching her…corpse they said their last goodbyes.
I’m sorry.
Then, peacefully, navigating their way out in the dark, they left, heading to their reward.
When they got there, the number nine door was wide open like Phi had left it. She had to admit, It was kind of creepy with them being in the dark, in silence, so the light’s past the door where comforting.
There was enough lighting on the lift to inspect the control box to see if they could make it manually rise.
Deciding to lighten up the mood Phi called for him in a name she hadn’t used since the start of the game. “Hey Gramps, do you see a switch or something around here so we can-“
“Found it.”
Sigma pushed a button and the lift sprung to life.
“Nice!” Phi exclaimed.
“Puuurfect”
Oh my god.
Phi let it slide.
“So, Quark is behind the second number nine door?”
“Yup.”
The heavy door lifted itself open.
Before they went through it, to Quark, and to freedom, Sigma spoke.
“Oh and, um, Phi?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do keep calling me ‘grandpa’? Do I look old to you or something? I’m practically your age, you know. I’m not that unattractive though right? ”
Phi stared at him.
“Hehe…he… Right?“
”…“
"Phi? What’s wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that?”
NOT THE END.
To: @yukimori-himeko
From: @muddbunnie
My gift for @yukimori-himeko ! I really hope you like it! Happy Holidays!
Secret Mission
From: @feytaline-loves
Just like high school, I waited until the last minute to start my zecretsanta, but it’s going to be a multichapter fic–so please look forward to a gift that keeps on giving! For striginesensiblity on tumblr ❤
“T-this is rid-diculous!” Hazuki Kawashibara, also known as Lotus, stammered her complaint through chattering teeth. She glared around the large, mostly empty warehouse, hearing the wind whistle through its high ceilings. “Honestly, couldn’t you have picked a be-better place to meet up?”
“Sorry, Lotus!” Junpei held up his hands apologetically. She hid a small smile at the use of her old nickname—only one other person had called her that recently, and it was nice to hear it from someone else. “You see, we’re kind of… “
“It’s my fault,” Akane said, stepping out of the shadows. She handed Junpei a can of warm coffee, and offered one to Lotus, which the older woman accepted gratefully. “I was hoping we could meet inside, but… this place is better, in the long run.” She pushed her hands together in a small, shy bow of apology.
Lotus understood without needing further explanation. She wasn’t really sure how exactly Akane’s mind worked, but from the last few month’s interactions, she had realized that it was extremely similar to her own daughters.’ Akane was supposedly even more powerful of an Esper than the twins, so it was probably pointless to argue.
Lotus’ mouth twisted in irritation. She was really not fond of Akane—after all, she’d put her through a nightmare!–but she couldn’t exactly hold onto the grudge now that she fully understood her reasons. It took a lot for her to admit it, but there was much more at stake than her own pride.
She clicked open her coffee, burning her tongue slightly on the first sip and making a face. She wrapped both hands around it, hoping they would warm up. Early February had been brutal, weather-wise, and she had forgotten her gloves. She hoped that she could finish this business quickly and get back to her kotatsu and laptop. “So, what is it that you needed to meet in person for?”
Junpei’s arm reached behind his neck, and he smiled awkwardly. “Well, it’s uh… “
Akane elbowed him with a frown, and turned back to Lotus. “We should really wait until our other guest gets here to explain, don’t you think?”
“Other–?” Lotus began, but was interrupted by heavy footsteps behind her. She spun around, nearly dropping her coffee. “YOU!”
“You gotta be kiddin’ me, Junpei. You know that witch is the last person I wanna see!”
The large mass of her ex-boyfriend lumbered into view, shaking his head the entire time. He was wearing a heavy brown coat and a thick knit cap pulled down over his ears. Seven.
She refused to acknowledge her heart beating faster under her stylish wool coat. The last time the two had spoken, it had been their biggest fight yet—she’d been surprised no fists had been thrown, although the verbal blows had hurt just as much.
After several of their friends had been kidnapped and threatened in various ways—Clover, by a trap set by a cult in her very first mission, and Junpei and Akane in a particularly awful Nonary-esque game—the stress level of the pair had gotten severely high. It finally boiled over when Seven demanded that Lotus stop hacking for SOIS & Crashkeys. Lotus had quickly countered with an absolute insistence that Seven stop investigating a certain cult.
Things had degraded very, very quickly.
Lotus was fiercely independent, and Seven was just as stubborn. Neither would budge an inch from their positions, making a demand of the other they refused to comply to themselves. Ironically, their last words to each other had been spoken at the same time. ”I can take care of myself!”–before she had slammed her apartment door on him.
It had been nearly a month since they’d last been together, but it was clear the anger was still burning fiercely in each of them.
“Hmph, I’m surprised this idiot hasn’t gotten himself killed yet.” Her fingers tightened around the can, denting it. “Akane Kurashiki, you had best have an explanation for this!”
Junpei and Akane had shifted slightly closer to each other and exchanged a nervous look under the pair’s wrath. “Y-you see–” Junpei began, but Akane interrupted him, her face taking on a serious expression.
“There’s no one else who can do this for us right now. This is very important Crashkeys business.”
“I swore I wouldn’t speak to him again even if the world was about to end,” Lotus declared, stomping one boots (with stiletto heels, of course)-clad foot. “I’m not about to break that vow!”
“What d’ya expect me to do with a stubborn old lady like that?” Seven demanded, crossing his massive arms. “Ya can’t even reason with her!”
“I know, I wouldn’t ask you if there was anyone else,” Akane said soothingly. “But you both have very unique skills, and I know this will be something that you’ll agree to.”
“I sincerely doubt that,” Lotus said, crossing her arms and looking pointedly away from Seven. “What is it?”
“Let me show you!” Akane reached into her coat’s pockets and pulled out two pamphlets. She handed one to Junpei, who offered it to Seven. Lotus took the other.
“What the heck is this? A cruise?” Seven held up the pamphlet pinched between his massive finger and thumb as if it were a piece of trash, giving it a small shake.
“Explain yourselves,” Lotus added, skimming over the contents as she spoke. It was, indeed, a pamphlet for a cruise in the heart of the Caribbean. The bright sun and blue water pictured made her heart ache a moment, and she shivered again.
“You’ve won our grand prize–We’re sending you on a cruise!” Junpei declared with a large grin, holding his arms out in a ‘tada’ motion. No one smiled. His smile faded. “Uh… I mean, there’s…”
“We’ve gotten intel that someone from Cradle is planning another Nonary Game,” Akane stated calmly, ignoring Junpei’s antics. “Our source found that they were planning on purchasing this exact boat—the Queen Pompador, and that they would be making the confirmations for the sale and starting the planning on its final cruise—which starts in two days and will last for a week.”
“Who would dare–” Lotus began at the same moment Seven firmly stated “We gotta stop ‘em.”
“That’s where you two come in!” Junpei said, his grin back. “Seven, you know how to investigate people in, uh, person, and Lotus, no one is better at hacking than you.”
“I don’t see how hacking is going to be needed here,” Lotus said, putting the pamphlet under her arm and tapping her foot impatiently. “It’s a boat. While many have wireless communications, this company in particular prides itself on being almost entirely internet-free.” She shuddered internally to think of an entire week without any access to the web. Apparently, that was considered luxury to some. She frowned as she made the connection. “I suppose that’s why you need me to go in person.”
“The source says the plans are being made in person, and stored on a laptop that hasn’t had any internet connection, ever. As a matter of fact, the hardware itself is missing in its design. But it still is protected under several layers of encryption. So it’s impossible for us to get the evidence we need through standard hacking—it’ll have to be done by accessing the computer directly.” Akane’s face had hardened, as if she was reliving her own Nonary experience. “We need that information so we can stop them before anyone is hurt.”
“If it has any USB connections, that would be easy enough to fix,” Lotus said, intrigued in spite of herself. “I have adapters for older models that will bring it online. It wouldn’t be difficult to copy the entire contents and email them to you if I can access the ship’s satellite servers…”
She trailed off as she thought about the various ways she could accomplish this mission. Although she wasn’t ready to admit it, she had already agreed to do it in her mind. Akane had been clever to hand her a photo pamphlet. The bright blue water—and the idea of actually being warm again– was irresistibly calling to her.
“So basically, you want me to get on this boat, and get that laptop to her so she can do her thing, right?” Seven was frowning. “You can’t hire some other goon to play bodyguard?”
“Seeeeveen, my man,” Junpei casually punched Seven’s arm, wincing slightly as it didn’t give. “C’mon, you know you’re the only big goon we can trust with a delicate lady like Lotus, right?”
“It’s true,” Akane said, her eyes wide and innocent. She placed her hands over hear heart earnestly. “Please, Seven, won’t you help me?”
Seven closed his eyes in thought for a moment, then sighed. “Fine. I’ll do it.” He shook his head. “But I ain’t gonna like it.”
“I’m happy to help,” Lotus said, smiling in a sickly sweet manner. She added, under her breath, “I’m certain it won’t be hard to avoid such a large mass, even if it is on a boat.”
Seven snorted, clearly having heard her snark. “Given all t’other old ladies on cruises, hope I don’t mix her up with someone else.”
Lotus ground her teeth, refusing look at him or to rise to the bait.
“Awesome!” Junpei pumped his fist in the air. Akane smiled.
“I’m so happy you agreed! Anyways, here are your tickets, and your fake ID’s!” She pulled more papers from her winter coat’s deep pockets. “Hello, Sev Sevenson and Lola Lotus!”
“What kind of utterly ridiculous fake names are those?” Lotus demanded, shuffling through the paperwork. The passport was impeccable, and they’d gotten a very good photo of her, but the name seemed completely out of place.
“Lotus, you wound me. I spent a long time thinking those up,” Junpei said, placing a hand over his heart. Akane tugged at his sleeve.
“Oh, dear, look at the time!” she exclaimed, pointing to his watch. She turned back to Seven & Lotus. “Well, I’m afraid we must be going now! Bye! Enjoy your cruise!”
“Yup, see ya later!” Junpei waved as Akane hurried him out of the warehouse.
Lotus’ eyes narrowed. Why the sudden rush? She turned back to the papers they’d left her with. Plane tickets, first class—well, it was certainly nice that they weren’t cheap, and a cabin ticket for the Honeymoon sui—HONEYMOON SUITE?
“GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!” Lotus took off, her stilettos clacking as she ran towards the warehouse door the couple had left from.
Seven finally caught what she’d seen, and was only a few steps behind her. “JUNPEI, I’M GONNA–”
They heard a car door slam and speed off just as they reached the entrance. Lotus had to hand it to Akane, she was very good at planning ahead. She wondered briefly if the driver had been Aoi or Clover.
“Goddamnit!” Seven kicked a large, empty can after the retreating car, his face red. “We’ve been set up!”
“This—is—ridicul–ous!” Lotus was panting painfully. The cold air felt sharp in her lungs. “I can’t believe the n-nerve of those two!”
Seven let out a deep sigh. “You think any of it was true? Or you think they’re tryin to play some kinda love game?”
“I sincerely doubt Akane would lie about something like this just for her own amusement,” Lotus replied, shivering. “Don’t you think she has better things to do than worry about your love life?”
“My—listen, I’ve had plenty a dates lately! One of them even showed up.” Seven said proudly, then winced as he realized his self-burn. He changed tactics quickly. “She probably feels bad since ya ain’t getting any younger.”
“I’m hardly desperate,” Lotus replied dryly. “I haven’t dated at all because I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled.”
She glanced at the papers tightly gripped in her hand. The blue skies shining over the white sand caught her eye, and she imagined the warm sun on her bare skin. No matter what kind of games Akane was playing, her mind was made up.
“Regardless, I’m not going to let a free trip pass me by.” She gave him a savage grin. “Now, if you’d kindly give me your—”
“Not a chance! Ya think I’m gonna pass on this either? No way. I’ve had it with this winter.” Seven stomped his feet in place, trying to regain his circulation. “I’m ready to be warm again!”
Lotus rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine. I’ll see about changing the reservation to singles cabins. We probably can’t change the plane tickets at this point, so try to remember to shower first, ok?”
“Yeah, and you better bring some extra blankets. I don’t want your bony ass snugglin’ against me mid-flight cause ya got cold!”
“You wish—there’s no chance!” Lotus stuck her nose up in the air. “I’m going home. I suppose I’ll see you on the flight tomorrow.” She began to walk away, trying not to shiver.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” She heard Seven stomping off in the other direction.
Lotus paused, then quickly glanced over her shoulder. It wasn’t like she’d missed him or anything, but–
Her face flushed as she saw Seven doing the exact same thing—glancing back at her–from several yards away.
She whipped her head around and hurried off to where she’d parked her car, rubbing her arms for warmth. Even if it was with her ex, there was no way she wasn’t going to welcome some of that sweet Mediterranean sun. She had a lot of packing to do…
To: @chessanator
From: @specialagentartemis
“You did good, kid.”
With Eric’s backstory, I kind of wanted to see more a protective, big-brotherly relationship with him and Sean… they could be cute
(Hope this is the Prime Eric Content you had in mind! Happy holidays!)
To: @chessanator
From: @specialagentartemis
Because I still don’t actually know if it’s possible to submit photosets, here’s the other half of your ZEcret Santa gift! (It’s still Eric)
Nothing like being panicked, backed into a corner, and lashing out with a shotgun, am I right
“Silver Bells,” Junpei/Akane+Quark fic for morphogenetlc
To: @morphogenetlc
From: @billyweird
Happy Holidays, morphogenetlc! I had so much fun writing this and hope you enjoy it.
Dear Santa,
Grandpa always told me not to expect anything to be handed to me, so I’m not sure what it’s okay to ask for. Uncle Junpei and Aunt Akane said you could do anything though, so I hope it’s okay if I ask for something big.
All I want is to talk to Grandpa again. I want him to know I really like it here and I’m okay. Can you tell him that? And please ask him to write to me. I put an envelope in here so he can send it back with you.
Thank you very much,
Quark
Junpei sighed and reread the letter, but it didn’t get any easier to swallow. “Why couldn’t he just ask for a video game?” he muttered. The way Aoi and Akane described their “letter to Santa” tradition sounded so innocent, but then again they hadn’t been kids from an apocalyptic future. They’d always known about toys and candy and books and animals, and the guarantee that tomorrow they wouldn’t have to dig through ruins to find everything they needed.
When Quark had first started to feel comfortable outside, Junpei and Akane took him grocery shopping. It was something fast and easy, and they took him on a weekday mid-morning when there wouldn’t be any parents hurrying to grab dinner fixings, old people fighting with cashiers to accept their expired coupons, and rowdy teenagers clogging aisles. After hearing they’d buy him anything he wanted, he grabbed a bottle of root beer from the fridge by the checkout line and said this was fine. Junpei’d had to nudge Quark to walk around the store with him to “just look” at other items, and Quark was in awe that so much fresh produce and meat, including stuff he’d never had in his life, was just sitting there in great pyramids and stuffed drawers. They filled the cart with mismatched oddities like pomegranates, seafood mix, purple potatoes, chicken liver, and kiwi before Junpei and Akane dragged him to the junk food on principle.
When they made it to the frozen aisle, he’d gone “Whoa!” and walked up and down the ice cream row a dozen times before finally grabbing a pint of vanilla and holding it up sheepishly. “Please?”
Akane’d chuckled. “Get a bigger one. We’ll make root beer floats.”
Quark’s eyes widened but he listened. That trip was one of the first signs that maybe Quark wasn’t going to be “normal” right away, but this letter was the thing that made Junpei’s chest burn, because he had no way to explain to Quark this was impossible.
When Quark came out of the transporter they’d acquired after years of searching, he’d been confused and then uncomfortable when he realized “Grandpa” wasn’t with him. Junpei’d froze, while Phi and Sigma just knelt down and re-introduced themselves. “Oh! Hey Miss Phi!” he’d said excitedly, and she’d smiled at him and said the guy beside her really was Mr. Sigma. Junpei was really, really glad he’d listened to them when they said having someone Quark recognized would make things easier. He wasn’t sure how to explain his identity at the time, so he just…hadn’t. He and Akane became “Grandpa’s relatives” and called themselves Quark’s Uncle and Aunt instead.
All he’d arrived with was a note tucked in his pocket from his Grandpa, explaining who he was and why he’d sent Quark back. Show him how good life can be, he’d written, like it was easy. Like Quark would never miss what he’d grown up with.
Junpei jumped when someone grabbed him from behind, and his assailant pulled him closer, giggling, and pressed her face between her shoulder blades. “Just me.“
“You know I hate that,” he grumbled, but turned to face Akane, grabbed her face, and planted a messy kiss on her lips to get her back. While he was distracted, she plucked the letter from between his fingers and stepped back. “Hey! I’m Santa, remember?”
She practically danced out of his grasp, reading it despite his struggle to take it from her, and her face softened as she reached the end. “Aw, Quark…”
“…Yeah. I thought he’d just want more ice cream or something.” He scratched the back of his head. “How am I supposed to do this?” he murmured so he wouldn’t wake Quark in the other room. He was Junpei Tenmyouji, 26 year-old newlywed in over his head; he wasn’t Junpei Tenmyouji, 67 year-old grandfather.
“Well, one time when I was nine I wrote to Santa and asked him to prove he was real.”
“Why?” He shook his head. “No, wait, you would do that.”
Akane puffed out her cheeks. “I wanted to tell Ishinomori he was wrong about Santa not being real! Santa even wrote me back!”
“That must’ve been Aoi.”
Akane smiled and tilted her head, one finger to her chin. “Exactly.”
Junpei tried to set the idea aside for a while, thinking maybe Quark would forget about his request if they kept him distracted with all manner of fun and gifts the day-of, but the thought nagged at him until it came out in bed one night.
“I mean, we got him the bike, right? He wants to learn! That’s probably gonna make up for it.” He flinched as the beer he’d been gesturing with splashed onto his face. Akane snorted at his predicament and handed him a tissue from her nightstand.
“Junpei…” she sighed, but kissed his cheek. “He doesn’t want a perfect letter or a bike. He wants Grandpa.”
“Well how do I pretend to be him? I only know a little bit of what his life was like!” He’d tried to use the morphic fieldset to learn more, but sometime around the hundredth vision of fire, dead bodies, and the disappointment and numbness that’d set in after finding Akane on the moon, he’d had enough and didn’t look again. He set the beer on his nightstand and propped himself up on his elbow to face Akane, looking at her in the soft glow of their bedside lamp.
When he’d slipped the ring on her finger the first time, in that doomed history, his only thoughts had been Don’t let me pass out and Please say yes and I hope Carlos isn’t staring at us. The second time, in the first motel room they’d crashed in after leaving Dcom, he’d knelt down on a grody carpet and put the ring on her left hand and given her the biggest, dorkiest grin he ever had in his life when she knocked him into the floor with the weight of her embrace. Then, he’d thought the best parts of marriage would be when they were happiest and declaring their love for each other. He learned the best parts were pinch-fights on the couch in headquarters, helping her out of her wedding gown when she got the flu at their reception and cleaning her running makeup off her face as she cried that she just wanted to enjoy her day, and lying next to her in bed savoring the fact that she was here.
She realized he was staring, and looked up from her book. “Do I have lotion on my face?”
“No, you just…” He met her eyes and she looked at him with growing confusion, before his hand darted out and pinched her cheek. “Gotcha.”
“Junpei!” She shook him off and tossed her book off the bed as she grabbed him and flipped them over so she was on top of him. “You’re gonna regret that,” she laughed as she pulled on his hair, and he slipped a hand under her shirt to pinch her stomach, making her shriek. They wrestled until they were out of breath, and ended up with her draped over him, kissing a line from his ear to his neck. He held her close as it dawned on him:
She was right. It didn’t have to be perfect to make them happy.
*
“It’s all for me?” Quark, convinced to take his precious hat off after Akane told him it was a rule before he opened his gifts, rubbed the back of his head. He looked again at the gifts around him: the bike, the stocking full of candy, the new coat and boots, the books, and the video game system Junpei had wanted for himself but had told Akane was for Quark. “You guys are really nice…”
“On Christmas, Santa grants wishes, okay? You’re a really good boy, so Santa told us you deserved it all.” Akane ruffled his hair and smiled when he shook his head. “Open up your presents from Phi and Sigma and Aoi while Uncle Junpei and I get the cocoa, okay?”
“Okay!”
Akane pulled him to the kitchen by the arm. As they left Aoi gave them a look that read Don’t leave me alone with him, but Junpei suspected he was growing a soft spot for Quark as he’d sent a “follow-up letter from Santa” asking Quark if he preferred toy cars or an ice cream maker.
“Do you think he likes it?” Junpei whispered to her as she poured cocoa into mugs.
“He seems happy, but I wish we’d written the letter.” She sighed. “His smile looks a little sad.”
“That’s an oxymoron.”
“You know what I mean.” He did. That Quark was afraid to look sad that he hadn’t gotten what he really wanted. Junpei pulled an envelope out of his pants pocket, carefully hidden until now.
“Who’s to say Santa didn’t grant his wish?”
She covered her mouth and her eyes watered a little. “Junpei…”
“What?”
She kissed his cheek and smiled at him, unable to explain why she was so touched. They returned to the living room, where Quark was enthusing about the ice cream maker and asking Aoi if kiwi-flavored ice cream was possible, and Junpei cleared his throat to get his attention. “I held onto this until the last gift was open…” With a flourish, he revealed the letter he’d been hiding behind his back. “Santa left this with me. He said you’re the only one allowed to open it.”
Quark’s hands shook as he read it front-to-back. Junpei’d thrown four other drafts away before settling on this one, and he hoped he’d gotten the voice right. When Quark finished, he turned it back over and reread it. Finally he looked up at Junpei, swallowing. “Santa read my letter,” was all he got out. Akane distracted him with the cocoa, changing the topic fluidly by telling Aoi they had to try and make red bean ice cream sometime, and Quark seemed to perk up.
Junpei sat next to him on the floor and nudged his shoulder into Quark’s, and they smiled at each other weakly. He hoped he’d gotten it right, and Quark wasn’t upset because he’d figured out the letter was fake:
Quark,
I’m glad you’re alright. It sounds like you’re happy over there. That’s what I wanted for you. I hope you’ll understand that someday. I tried to get Santa to help me search for rare metal, but he’s not you. I’ll be fine here, you just worry about being polite to Junpei and Akane and working hard when you go to school.
He went on, building up some story about a recent excavation Grandpa had gone on, and finished with: Say hi to Phi and Sigma for me. I’ll send another letter with Santa next year.
Grandpa
P.S. Tell Santa to bring scotch next time.
Quark seemed cheery the rest of the day as they went to the movies, had breakfast for dinner at his request, and played a video game (something he still found fascinating no matter how many times he saw one). He waved goodbye to Aoi pleasantly and fell asleep on the couch past his bedtime. Junpei and Akane, after carrying him to his bed, looked around at the mess of wrapping paper and dishes, and shrugged before retiring to their own room.
Junpei woke past midnight to the sound of shuffling around in the living room. He froze, listening, and there it was again: someone out there. He crept out, old instincts kicking in to protect himself, before he heard glass break and a quiet “Crap!”
“Quark?” He found Quark kneeling by the tree, carefully sweeping shards of a broken ornament into a pile with his hands. “Forget that, we have a broom,” he muttered, pulling him up by the arm.
“I’m sorry! I’ll fix it, I–”
“Quark, it’s fine. It’s just an accident. What are you doing up this late?” Quark looked down at his feet. “Quark?”
“I was trying to find something.”
“What?”
“I left a present for Grandpa, but Santa didn’t pick it up. I guess I hid it too well.” Quark shifted on his feet before bending down to grab an object he must’ve pulled from its hiding place. “Grandpa never wanted Christmas presents. We didn’t even do anything for it, but sometimes he’d give me things. He gave me my hat.” He handed it off to Junpei, a gift that was heavy and sloshing inside. It was wrapped in several layers of tissue paper and tape Quark must’ve taken when Akane was wrapping her gift for Aoi the other day. Junpei peeled back some of the paper and saw amber liquid.
“Uh…what is this?”
“Scotch.”
“How the hell did you get scotch!?” Junpei said louder than he’d meant, and Quark jumped.
“…Uh, Miss Phi helped me get it if I promised I wouldn’t tell.”
“Of all the…what goes through her…forget it, I’ll talk to her later.” Junpei felt so old, lecturing a kid in his care about hiding alcohol.
“It’s Grandpa’s favorite, and everything is so cheap here compared to where we come from. I wanted him to have something nice.” Quark looked askance. “And Miss Phi wouldn’t help me get ‘Grandpa videos.’”
Junpei wasn’t gonna ask. He gripped the bottle instead and looked at Quark. “We can hold onto this for Grandpa. You don’t have to hide stuff from me and Akane.”
Quark’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry… I thought you guys would tell Santa and then Grandpa wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Well… I’ll put this away and we’ll forget about it. But just don’t keep secrets again, okay? Grandpa wouldn’t be happy if he knew.” They cleaned up the glass and he sent Quark back to bed, then sat on the couch and started drinking the scotch himself. Drinking alone in a dark room, ‘tis the season. He hadn’t had a holiday this depressing since the Christmas right after the Nonary Game, which he’d celebrated by joining that detective firm and almost getting stabbed on his first case.
He must’ve dozed off, because he jolted awake when Akane settled beside him on the couch. The sun was just starting to rise and made the room rosy. She eased him onto his side and lay down on him, her head on his chest. “Sleep well?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to uh. Do that.”
“The bed got cold,” she murmured, spreading out on top of him. “I don’t like sleeping alone.” She snuggled against him. “So I’ll stay right here.”
“Sounds good.” He put a hand on her head and stroked her hair. She was so warm and he held her closer, savoring her proximity and weight on top of him. There was a lot he could say—he loved her, Merry Christmas—but he didn’t say anything. Nothing could encapsulate how peaceful and lucky he felt right now. He didn’t have any easy answers for the next few months, but that was fine. He had Akane and Quark and they had him and together they’d see a lot of Christmases to come.
ZEcret Santa 