To: @kurohawt
From: @zeiscomplex
Happy holidays! I couldn’t help but write about Phi’s drinking shenanigans, the prompt was perfect and it was begging me to pick it. Phi’s such a joy to write honestly, so I hope you enjoy your gift as much as I enjoyed writing it!
“This is all your fault, you know.”
Phi was getting tired of the constant sighs from Sigma’s direction as she added another entree to his tab. It was easy enough to ignore the first many that he had let out, but as the night wore on and her buzz increased, her already low tolerance went down the drain. Down the drain like the many wasted drinks in Rhizome 9’s lounge.
“What, pray tell, did I do to deserve footing the bill on all this? You do know that I have college debt to pay off.”
Phi rolled her eyes. “Oh please, as if Crash Keys wouldn’t pay that off at the drop of a dime if you whined enough about your ‘noble sacrifice’. Besides, there is a reason: crimes against humanity, for one.” Phi shoved a handful of fries into her mouth as Sigma sputtered out his response.
“Wha- Humanity?! And that didn’t even happen in this timeline!”
“Still counts, no take backs Sigma,” she replied, mouth still half full. If any of the others had been around, she was sure they would glower at her horrible table manners, but that was one of the perks to old man Sigma: he didn’t give two shits about correcting her if he didn’t have to. All he did was sigh endlessly.
“Where do you even put all that?”
It was a rhetorical question, but Phi gave him an appropriate answer: “It gets funneled off to the billions of me’s across the multiverse, obviously.” She raised her glass in mock cheer. “To me, me, and me.”
“Someone’s egotistical.”
She ignored his snark and took a large drink, satisfied with the burn the alcohol provided. It almost made up for the wasted drinks. Almost. She figured his debt would be repaid in… 45 years. That sounded appropriate.
“We should be heading back soon, you know Diana will worry,” Sigma said, squinting at the time on his phone. Phi was hard pressed to feel any sort of irritation towards her, but she couldn’t help the disappointment of her night out being cut short.
“She’ll be fine for a little while longer; at least let me get a to go box and another drink.” It came out as more of a plead than Phi would’ve liked, but the buzz was starting to hit her and she found she didn’t really care.
“You’re beginning to sound like an alcoholic, if I didn’t know you any better. Fine, but no more fries. If I have to see you eat another one…” He shook his head, some sort of disapproval on his face.
Phi looked him dead in the eye and ate another one just to spite him.
It took longer than she had expected for him to get fed up and drag her out of the restaurant. By then, it was approaching the hour where everything was dead silent, once they got away from the hustle and bustle of Drunkard Central. She couldn’t say she necessarily trusted Sigma behind the wheel of his car just yet, but she had to admit there was something soothing about his overly slow old person driving. It certainly didn’t upset her stuffed stomach that was finally acknowledging her overeating, so that was a plus. She could do with less grumbling though.
“Who even taught these people how to drive?” Sigma glared at the car that cut him off. “And you guys think I need to go back to driver’s ed.”
“Because you do, old man.” Phi covered her eyes with her arm, tired of the blinding car lights in her face. “If you drove like a normal person we’d be home already.”
She couldn’t see his face, but given his track record she imagined he wasn’t looking at the road. “Would you rather be late or dead? There’s nothing wrong with going slightly under the speed limit. It’s called a limit for a reason.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She waved her free hand dismissively. He mumbled something she couldn’t make out under his breath but shut up for once. Though she complained, she was glad that being overly verbose and feeling the need to comment on everything was something that he shared with his younger self. She sort of missed him, even if he was kind of a dick and flirted with anything vaguely female shaped. She could cut him a little slack; flirting aside, he wasn’t awful.
The car suddenly stopping was the only sign Phi got that she had dozed off momentarily. She blinked wearily, squinting to make out her surroundings. She was relieved to see that the sudden stop was due to them arriving home rather than his poor driving.
“Hey, grab my stuff,” Phi ordered, biting back a yawn as she opened the car door. When he began to protest, she pulled out the big guns. “You said Diana would worry, right? Shouldn’t I go tell her we made it back safely?”
Hook, line, and sinker. Phi knew how to play him like a fiddle. At least she used her powers for good, well, non-harmful demands. She wasn’t an Akane-level manipulator hosting Nonary Games and masterminding complex plans to alter timelines and that was a fact she would easily hold over their heads if confronted.
True to her word though, she swiftly made her way inside, fumbling with the keys aside. To her surprise, Diana didn’t immediately greet her; in fact, she wasn’t even downstairs. Phi frowned.
“Hey, did Diana get called out tonight?” Phi called back at Sigma, who responded with a “no, why?” She ignored him, going farther into the house and glancing at the couch where she expected her to be sitting. She hadn’t accidentally fallen asleep on it, so where was she?
Just as she was about to worry, a door upstairs opened and Diana’s voice floated down. “Welcome home, did you have a good time?” She sounded calm, which made Phi relax.
“Yeah, old man grumbling aside,” she called up, looking over to the entrance where Sigma stood with her leftovers. He rolled his eyes at her remark. Diana softly made her way downstairs as he went to put her food away. Phi allowed her a hug as she passed.
“Sorry we’re back so late, I hope you weren’t too worried,” Sigma apologized, forehead creased with worry himself. Out of the two, he was clearly the one more distressed by their late night out.
“It’s alright, Sigma. You told me you were going to be late.” She gave his arm a loving rub, and as Sigma moved to give her a hug and kiss, Phi noped it out of there. They were family to her in more than simply their shared blood, but that didn’t mean she was comfortable with their PDA.
Besides, she had more important things to do. Like sleeping. And digesting her food so she could eat her leftovers in peace, and thus giving her the power to make Sigma go out and buy her stuff. With her extremely important to-do list created, she dragged herself off to her bedroom, satisfied with her day and herself. Life was good.
ZEcret Santa 